Chapter 10

• I walked into the clinic with my hoodie pulled over my head and tried to avoid all eye-contact. I had hoped for it to be a quick visit, just like I had expected them to remove the baby as soon as possible, but it wasn’t anything like that.
• I woke up feeling anxious and perhaps even a bit excited, because I believed I couldn’t wait to get rid of the baby, but it didn’t took long before reality kicked in. There was this feeling of guilt and also the bit of excitement of finally having something of my own. Something I didn’t had to share.
• If I kept the baby I would never be alone, but if I kept this baby it would be yet another mouth to feed and babies were expensive. Google was my best friend, the costs of $13,000 a year shocked me and was something I couldn’t afford.
• That amount of money on top of what I had to pay to take care of myself sounded ridiculous and unrealistic. For me to make that much extra I would have to work as hard as a horse. Who would even watch the baby? Day care was just as expensive.
• As if speaking over the phone wasn’t enough, I had yet again another assessment appointment before the date for the abortion would even be arranged. As each day passed by I got more and more attached to the baby growing inside of me and at times would even touch my flat tummy which barely showed any signs of pregnancy. 
• I understood both the counselor and doctor were doing their job, but questions as to why I wanted to have an abortion, and where the father was made me doubt myself and wonder if it was more so fear over money. Fear of having to do it alone and fear of not being able to tell Christian, because I was afraid for rejection. The last thing I’d expected someone like Christian to do, was to accept the baby with open arms. Would he even like children? Did he even want children? 
• Every now and then the counselor asked me if I was still sure about my decision, and that would probably be due to the fact of me pulling strange faces after hearing about the process, associated risks and complications, and most of all, my face when I heard the price and learned that it was not covered by my insurance. 
• I had not prepared myself for another ultrasound and had promised myself to not look at the screen, but I couldn’t help myself after listening to the heartbeat. I had something inside of me, something which wouldn’t betray me or walk out my life like almost everyone else did, and it had a heartbeat. 
• I had not noticed I was crying until I felt a tear roll down my cheek, but surprisingly enough I wasn’t sad. I was crying because of happiness, I was crying because I couldn’t remember the last time I had even focused on a heartbeat, including my own but yet here I was, listening to my baby’s heartbeat. My baby... 
• Whenever those words went through my head I had a change of mind and thought about what life could’ve been like. Yes, a thirteen-week old baby which I did not plan on having turned out to be the first thing in a very long time to cause me happy tears. 
• I suddenly felt grateful for the assessment and the fact that I didn’t sign anything. The poor doctor had a startled look on his face after I had almost yelled at him to keep the transducer on my stomach. After I was finished I sat up straight and covered my stomach in a protective matter. I couldn’t do it.
• “This was a mistake.” I told him as he gave me a look of pity. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, a better word to put it is unp-“ 
• “No, you don’t get it, coming here was a mistake!” I spoke, irritated and pulled my hoodie over my head. “Oh...so no follow up appointment?” The doctor who seemed surprised by my sudden switch asked. 
• “Absolutely not, just forget I was here, matter of fact let’s just ignore these past two hours because that way you don’t have to charge me. I could really use that money towards diapers!” I told him a bit too enthusiastic as I jumped up to grab my bag. “Uh?” The doctor frowned as he was lost for words.
• “Yes I know, you must be worrying about me even more now, but I’m fine. Thank you for everything, including the free ultrasound but I really have to go now, bye!” I smiled as I walked out the door and ignored the doctor’s calls. 
• I was going to do this. 
• I was going to be a mom and take care of my child. 
• Many people gave me a weird look and probably got a weird idea while I almost skipped through the hallway with a happy smile on my face but for the first time since I had found out about my pregnancy I could finally smile and it was all because of a heartbeat. This ultrasound had a different impact from my first one. 
• Free at last, was the first thing that went through my head when I walked out of the clinic. I walked to the garage while thinking of ways to get a stable job for my unborn baby but just as I was about to unlock my car a hand on my shoulder had stopped me and made me turn around. “M-marc?” I spoke shocked as I stared at the man in front of me.
• Unlike the first time I met him, he didn’t look that friendly and had a suspicious look on his face. “Squirrel tell me, did you go through with the abortion?” He asked me as he placed his hand on my shoulder. I shrugged him off me and took a step back so I was glued against the car. “N-no I’m not having a-, but wait what are you even doing here?” I asked confused. 
• I had became aware that Marc was Christian’s personal bodyguard and was afraid of the reasons why he might’ve been here. Did Christian know I was pregnant and send him to spy on me? 
• “Did Christian send you, does he knows-“ I spoke but stopped mid-sentence when Marc's eyes got big. I didn’t take me a long time to realize that I was the one who had exposed myself.
• “Wait, are you carrying...Christian’s baby?” Marc asked. I froze up and ran out of answers as I didn’t know what to say.“You were planning on getting an abortion and you didn’t tell him?” Marc asked for confirmation. I tried to avoid his gaze and was determined to keep my mouth shut.
• “Squirrel, I’m asking you a question. You weren’t going to tell him you’re pregnant?” He asked again, but this time he sounded disappointed and I felt embarrassed. “What are you even doing here?” I asked him. 
• “What am I doing here? Christian asked me to keep an eye on you until you felt better but damn, I did not expect this.” 
• I was confused. Christian asked him to keep an eye on me? Would he know about the pregnancy? Would he have sneaked into my house late at night and seen the pregnancy test? No, of course not. He was not a wizard. 
• “Lucio told him to take care of you,” Marc explained as if he read my mind. “How did you know it was Christian’s?” 
• “I didn’t, you told me,” Marc mumbled.
• “So are you going to tell him?” I wondered, while Marc gave me a confused look. “Do I look pregnant to you, why should I tell him?” He commented. “So I suppose you were planning on leaving your job so you can handle all of this on your own...” 
• “Listen, squirrel.” Marc began. “I usually agree with the term that men should stay out of women’s business but you have to tell him.” He spoke as I shook my head.
• “I won’t, and I definitely agree, men should stay out of women’s business so let’s pretend like the clinic was a donut shop, you can report that back to him, thank you.” I rolled my eyes as I was about to enter the car, but Marc grabbed me by my wrist and stopped me. “If it’s because of fear you can drop this act because I know Christian would do everything in his power to help you a-“ 
• “You don’t know that!” I snapped back. Taking care of me and making sure I was alright because I technically worked for him was one thing, but him stepping up to be a father was another and I wasn’t seeking rejection so it was good like this. 
• “I do know that. I’ve known Christian for much longer than you have and I know that he would do everything in his power to help you because that’s the kind of person he is. I don’t know what you’ve heard about him but whatever it’s not true. He’s not this heartless human eating ghoul you are all  making him out to be!” Marc told me.
• “Wait, you also watch anime?” I asked, surprised—in the hopes of changing the subject. Marc’s eyes lit up as he gave me a nod. “Yes, I do?”
• “Really, so do I?” I gasped. “Tell me more about it, what’s your favorite—“
• “No.” Marc shook his head. “I know what you’re trying to do and it’s not going to work.”
• “That’s not the point right now, we were talking about you owing Christian the truth!” 
• “Right...do you think I should?” I played along. Even though it pained me to admit it, Marc had a point. Whether I told him or not I had nothing not lose but more so, something to gain. I wasn’t expecting any help from him because I still believed someone like Christian wasn’t exactly cut out to be a father, but Marc was right. He knew him much longer, so perhaps he was right about me misjudging him.
• No matter what his reaction was going to be, I did owe him the truth. 
• “I’ll tell him tomorrow,” I finally decided. Marc grew a smile on his lips, but that smile had quickly disappeared when he noticed the glare in my eyes.
• “But if he ends up telling me to get an abortion, I promise you, you won’t be seeing the pearly gates!”