Chapter 14 Death sucks

• Calum starts singing and I’m transfixed again by his voice. I heard him sing yesterday but the emotions are new, touching me in all the places Mum’s voice used to touch me. I cross my legs on the chair, too stunned to do anything more. 
• The singing slows to an end but his smile is still intact when he says to his camera, “Alright guys. That’s it for today.” Before he started singing, he made a small announcement and apology for his long, unexplained absence. I know it had to do with his band breaking up but that’s all I know. “See you next time.” He blows a kiss to the camera and my stomach knots with jealousy. I have to find his YuuTube channel ASAP. “Love you. Stay safe.” 
• As Calum’s eyes come to rest on mine after ending the recording, I can’t help thinking what it would feel like to be loved by him in a proper way. Not as a brother or sister but as a man loves a woman, his lover. As if hearing my thoughts, his smile fades.