Chapter 3 A Choice To Make

• “Now you’ve seen what Joseph is with your own eyes,” Asher said. “Now you understand why you need to keep away from him.”
• Slowly, my shock wore off. In its place, anger began to boil and churn.
• “You’ll thank me someday,” Asher said.
• “You want me to thank you?” I asked, breathless with disbelief.
• “I vowed to take care of you,” he said. Looking away, he added softly, as if to himself, “Guess I make a pretty good baby-sitter, after all.” His voice held a hint of pride.
• Baby-sitter?!
• My anger boiled over, and I snapped, tone biting, “You’re worse than Dylan.”
• Asher was more controlling and not nearly as kind.
• “You are not my brother.” I stepped closer to him, right up against his chest.
• He lifted one brow ever so slightly but didn’t otherwise move.
• “What I do and what happens to me is none of your concern,” I said. I wanted to shout, but we were already drawing attention again. But with a sharp look from Asher, any onlookers quickly moved on.
• Asher squared his shoulders. “I made a promise to Dylan. I don’t break my promises.”
• He wouldn’t listen to me. He didn’t seem to care what I thought. It was all so frustrating!
• I blinked back the tears from my eyes. I didn’t want him to see me cry.
• “Maybe you planned this all along,” I said. “Maybe you wanted to see your little sister humiliated? Did you want to watch me get dumped? Are you enjoying this?”
• “Cynthia.” There was something in his voice, but the emotion was so slight, I couldn’t read it. I was far too busy trying to keep myself from falling apart.
• “I never asked you to do this,” I said.
• Maybe Dylan had. But where was the consideration for my feelings?
• Asher reached out for me, but I instantly shied away from his touch. Where would he drag me to next? I didn’t want to find out.
• “Leave me alone, Asher,” I told him and sprinted away.
• Regardless, as I rushed down the stairwell, I thanked every power in the universe that I had been able to keep my secret from Asher. He was so overbearing. I could only imagine what rules he would try to lord over me if he knew?
• Outside, with the rain to hide my tears, I finally let them fall. The towel I held – Asher’s towel – soaked through.
• In the safety of my dorm room, I tossed the towel and my wet clothes into a corner and changed into soft pajamas.
• I cried softly but refused to let myself fully fall apart. Despite what I had seen and how my heart was breaking, I still needed to talk to Joseph about the pregnancy.
• When he knew about the baby, maybe everything would change.
• Joseph, I’m pregnant. I need to know what you think.
• I waited. Double check marks appeared.
• I waited longer, but he sent no response.
• My thoughts returned to my family. I couldn’t talk to Mom, or my sister, or Dylan.
• My cousin Nancy was a nurse at the maternity hospital. If anyone would know what to do, she would. And while we weren’t exactly best friends, we were close enough that I believed she might keep my secret.
• “Cynthia?” Nancy’s kind voice came through the phone and I let out a broken, relieved breath. “Cynthia, what’s wrong?”
• The weight of the secret had been swelling inside of me all day, and it bubbled out now, breaking the dam I’d built to hold it. I told Nancy everything about Joseph and the pregnancy.
• I ended with, “Please, please don’t tell anyone. Don’t tell Mom.” Our family wouldn’t understand.
• “I won’t,” Nancy promised. She knew as well as me how conservative our family was about pregnancy. If they knew I had gotten pregnant, they would never forgive me.
• “And this guy… Joseph,” Nancy continued. “He’s a jerk. He’s not willing to step up.”
• I wanted to argue but Nancy was right. He had seen my text. If he wanted any part of the pregnancy, wouldn’t he have reached out by now?
• “Stop thinking about Joseph and decide what you want,” Nancy said. “You have options.”
• My hands trembled around the phone. I didn’t know what I wanted. When I thought of the future I had dreamed for myself, having a baby so young didn’t really fit. Especially when I would have to raise it alone.
• “Maybe I shouldn’t have it.” My voice was so small, I barely recognize myself.
• Nancy’s tone was gentle. “It’s not uncommon for student mothers to choose abortion.”
• The next morning, I sat in the waiting room of maternity hospital’s surgery wing, waiting for my number to be called.
• If I didn’t have the baby, my life could more or less go back to the way things were before. I could throw myself entirely into dancing and cheerleading. I wouldn’t have to live under the heavy weight of uncertainty about what I would do with my life, or what Joseph might think.
• Joseph had been so callous and cruel. His words continued to cut into me. I could almost hear them on repeat in my mind.
• Don’t call me. Don’t text me. Don’t speak to me.
• If I was so terrible that he never wanted to speak to me again, maybe I wasn’t good enough to have this baby.
• Besides, if I did have this baby, I would lose absolutely everything.
• My parents wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me. I’d be a black mark on the family. They’d undoubtedly refuse to continue paying my expensive school fees, and I’d have to drop out.
• I couldn’t let that happen. I had to go through with the abortion.
• I sunk into my chair, trying to clear my head. Thinking too much about it created cracks in my resolve, and I couldn’t allow any more doubt.
• Suddenly, a door opened, and a woman accompanied by a nurse was led into the hallway. Tears streaked down the woman’s face. She held a tissue but didn’t use it. She moved slowly, as if in a trance.
• The nurse guided her past the neonatal delivery room, and the woman nearly dropped to her knees. Her sobs were loud now, almost like howls. The nurse called for others to come help. One offered the woman a sedative.
• Nancy had warned me of this. During our phone conversation, she’d carefully asked if I had felt bonded to the baby.
• “If the wolf within the mother has already begun to feel an attachment, the procedure can be dangerous,” Nancy had explained. “It can be difficult for the wolf to understand.”
• The woman accepted the sedative. The nurses helped her into a wheelchair and rolled her further down the hall.
• I rubbed my hand over my belly. My stomach remained mostly flat yet, but I noticed now that some of my weight sat differently than before. It almost seemed like I ate too much, but I knew the truth. I was starting to show.
• A baby was in there. I could almost… feel them.
• A small warmth blossomed in my chest.
• A baby. My baby.
• A nurse at the check-in counter called a number. I looked at the slip in my hand.
• The number was mine.