Chapter 1 : Brokenhearted

• -=Yesha's Point of View=-
• "Are you breaking up with me?" I questioned.
• After hearing what Brix had to say, my voice began to tremble.
• His exact words were cool off, which is a gentler way of saying that we should break up, split, or anything else people use when they don't want to be with their partner.
• After our conversation, he just left me here in this park alone, crying my heart out.
• I didn't care about the sympathy and curious looks I was getting from those around me; they could gossip about my misery all they wanted!
• Why should I care what they think or say when there is so much sorrow in my heart?
• To be honest, I was expecting this breakup for a long time, and I know why Brix decided to end things with me: I couldn't surrender myself to him.
• I can't bring myself to agree to have sex with him. I'm not sure why I can't give myself to him or my previous boyfriends.
• I was anticipating him leaving me after being in a relationship for a long time, and I still couldn't find the determination to agree to his demand.
• Still, I was hoping that he would be different from the other guys, but I guess I was wrong.
• I'm not sure how long I remained in that park, lamenting over my separation with Brix, but after calming down, I decided to leave and go straight home; there was nothing I could do; Brix wasn't going to come back and repent for what he just said.
• When I got home, I tried to focus on other things so I wouldn't think about Brix, but no matter what I did, I found myself spacing out and thinking about my failed relationship.
• At this point, we've been dating for over a year. We were set to celebrate our first anniversary as a couple in June, but he dumped me just weeks before it was meant to happen.
• "God! HELP! I don't know what I should do." I cried in a loud voice.
• "Shut your pie hole!" Someone yelled from the first floor of our house.
• Oh, that is my mom, by the way.
• By the way, my name is Ayesha Santillan, but my friends and colleagues call me Yesha.
• I am half-Filipina, half-British, and 22 years old, so I appear slightly different from a typical Filipina.
• I have brown hair that is an inch longer than my shoulders and hazel brown eyes with long eyelashes, which some say are my most attractive feature. I have a straight nose, which gives me the appearance of being snobbish, and kissable red lips that don't need lipstick.
• I'm 5'7 tall, and people kept telling me that I could be a model or a beauty queen if I wanted to, but that's not how I roll.
• I'm merely a simple, innocent girl from the Philippines who dislikes being in the spotlight.
• Forget about my father if you're going to ask of me; I haven't seen or heard from him.
• The bastard, according to my mother, quickly returned to his country after getting my mom pregnant, neglecting all his responsibilities.
• The jerk abandoned his child in the care of a poor and helpless woman, allowing her to endure the full weight of the responsibilities that both of them should be carrying.
• Fortunately, my mother is a fighter and was able to raise me on her own.
• I'm still a virgin at 22 years old, having been in four... no, five failed relationships since Brix broke up with me for the same reason.
• I'm not ready to have sex with them, or perhaps the reason why, because of what happened to my mother, and I don't want to go through what she went through being a single mom.
• I don't want to get pregnant out of wedlock and raise a child without a spouse on whom I can rely.
• I know what it's like to grow up without a father, and I don't want my future child to go through what I went through.
• My mom hasn't entertained any suitors and has just focused on me since I was born; even though I remember several men trying to charm her, I believe she was still waiting for my biological father to return as if it was going to happen.
• To return to my problem, I still believe that a relationship may work even if there is no sex, but I guess I was mistaken because all of my boyfriends wanted to have that kind of interaction.
• I suppose all guys are like that, and the only guys who don't want to have sex with their girlfriends are usually closeted gays who got into a relationship with a girl to conceal their true identity.
• "Shit! I muttered quietly after failing terribly at not thinking about Brix.
• So, instead of staying home and wallowing in self-pity around, I went to see my best friend Julia and asked if she'd want to go to the mall with me.
• Julian and I have been friends since elementary school, and she is well-versed in the melancholy details of my life, from my loutish father to my failed romantic relationships.
• In our second year of high school, when we were attending a public school close to our home, I realized our friendship would never be broken.
• "Juls, I have something to tell you," I stated solemnly, as she was busy looking for cute guys.
• "What do you want, Yesha? Can't you see I'm busy?" She asked, irritably without even looking at me.
• I resolved to tell her the truth straight away to prevent me from backing out.
• "Mark is hitting on me!" I hastily stated.
• Her current boyfriend is Mark, the star player on the school's basketball team.
• I finally caught her attention as she stared at me, bewilderment written all over her beautiful face.
• I was contemplating whether or not to tell her about it, but I didn't want her to be in the dark, knowing full well that it wasn't only me who Mark tried to hit on, but there were other girls.
• I had no idea how she would react. Will she be upset with me? Will she assume I'm just trying to separate them?
• But before I could find out, she was already walking away; I assumed she was angry with me, only to discover she was walking toward Mark, who was walking in the opposite direction.
• "Jul..."
• Mark couldn't finish his remark as Julia slapped her hard, and before he could react, Julia ended her relationship with Mark.
• When she returned, I was dumbfounded, and I didn't know what to say or how to react to what had unfolded.
• Her face was flushed from the outrage she was feeling, but she managed to grin at me when she finally looked at me.
• "Are you ok?" I asked in a worried tone.
• "Of course! Why wouldn't I be? And thank you, Yesha, for being honest with me; I had noticed how he glanced at you when he thought I wasn't
• looking, and your confession confirmed my suspicion," she responded.
• "Are you not upset with me because I ruined your relationship?" I asked, still a little skeptical.
• "Oh, please! You didn't do anything wrong, so don't feel bad or worried about it, and you're actually helping me because I like someone else." in a humorous tone, she said.
• And our friendship has grown stronger since then; we're no longer just best friends, but more like sisters from different mothers.
• Let's go back to the source of my most recent pain.
• I took a quick shower first, then rode my motorcycle to Julia's house after getting permission from my mother.
• I'm still paying for this motorcycle; my mother was initially opposed to me having one since she felt it was inappropriate for a lady like me to ride such a vehicle. Nonetheless, I was eventually able to persuade her.
• We live in a modern era where traditional norms do not bind women, and it is also more convenient to travel by motorcycle, especially when I need to get to work.
• I'd been driving for ten minutes before arriving at Julia's house, which wasn't that far from home.
• "Julia!" I yelled as I continued to pound on their front door.
• After a few moments, the door finally opened, revealing Julia's father, uncle Gerry.
• Because Julia and I are close, I opted to refer to his father as uncle Gerry, which he agreed to.
• "Hello there, Uncle Gerry. Is Julia at home?" I asked, even though I was already aware that his daughter was at home.
• "Yesha, good afternoon. Julia is upstairs, so go right ahead," he explained, and after letting me in, he returned to his favorite couch to read his newspaper.
• After I thanked him, I went straight to Julia's room, which, as is characteristic of Julia, was a complete mess, as if the person occupying this room wasn't a girl at all.
• Julia was deep asleep, wrapped in a blanket when I arrived. I'm not sure how she sleeps, especially in this heat.
• "Juls, wake up," I whispered, gently shaking her arm, but she didn't budge, so I tried harder, asking her to accompany me to the mall.
• "Yesha, go away! Please don't bother me! I've just returned from duty," I could see she was tired and sleepy when she replied, but I kept going.
• "Juls, please, I need you," I begged, my voice shaking with sorrow.
• I tried to hide it previously because I didn't want to make my mother worried about me, but now that I'm with Julia, I don't have to.
• She abruptly lifted the blanket from her face, and I could tell how serious she was as I gazed into her eyes.
• "So, did Brix break up with you already?" She inquired,
• Finally, she rose up and hugged me after I nodded my head in response to her question.
• The tears I held back finally poured freely from my eyes as I let the pain finally leave my chest.
• She didn't interrupt me while I told her what had happened, and after comforting me that everything would be fine, she finally decided to accompany me to the mall.
• It took her fifteen minutes to get ready, and then we rode my bike to the nearby mall.
• We went to our favorite pizza parlor on the third floor of the mall because she hadn't had her meal yet.
• "So, let me get this straight: that person broke up with you because you wouldn't agree to have sex with him?" She queried as she chewed her pizza.
• "I suppose so; I can't accept that he couldn't understand that I wasn't ready yet," I said grumpily, my gaze fixed on my pizza.
• Seeing Julia shake her head after hearing what I just said puzzled me.
• "Did I say anything wrong?"
• "I'd like to know why you're opposed to sex. Even though we're in the twenty-first century, I understand that some women still choose to keep their virginity before the marriage. But I know you, and I'm guessing you're not one of them," she said,
• "I don't want to be like my mom," I said, alluding to the fact that my mother raised me as a single parent.
• "If that is what troubles you, there are other countermeasures you can take. You could ask that Brix wear a condom, or you could use birth control pills; if you like, I could give you some pills."
• "Oh, my gosh! I had no idea you were using those!"
• I was surprised to learn that she was using those contraceptives and even more surprised to learn that she had a prior experience of having sex.
• "Pea's brain! Those are from the hospital, and I am still a virgin for the record," she replied as she flicked her fingertips across my brow.
• "Does it mean I should give myself to Brix?" I asked, still a bit hesitant.
• "It is entirely up to you, Yesha. It depends if you love him and if you're willing to surrender your V-card to him," she said.
• "Of course, I love him! If I didn't love him, I wouldn't be shedding tears like this!" I stated.
• I ignore a small voice in my head that tells me I didn't love Brix, and the only reason I'm hurt like this is my disappointment with having five failed relationships.
• "Then why don't you get started?" She inquired, her gorgeous face contorted into an annoyed grimace as she looked at me.
• Quickly, I got up and left, ignoring Julia's question about who would pay for our meal.
• I proceeded to the parking lot where my bike was parked and rode it to Brix's condo apartment in Makati, where he lives.
• When I got to the building, it was well past 8 p.m., and knowing Brix's routine, I was confident he had already gone home.
• My heartbeat was beating so fast as I waited for the elevator to take me to the floor where his unit was located; I didn't realize I was clutching the paper bag so tightly due to my anxieties.
• Inside the paper bag is a box of condoms I bought at a nearby drugstore.
• I nearly died of shame while paying for the items, and even though I didn't get my change, I left the store right away.
• Finally, I arrived at the 27th floor, exited the lift, and headed to his condo unit, 27-C.
• I was about to knock when I realized I still had his spare key.
• I used the spare key he gave me to get into the property; there was no one in the living room when I entered, so I assumed he was already in his room.
• "Don't overthink, Yesha," I kept telling myself as I was about to change my mind; thankfully, I stuck to my decision to give him my virginity.
• Slowly, very slowly. I approached Brix's room and opened the door, but the smile on my face disappeared as I saw what was inside.
• I can't believe he just broke up with me a few hours ago and was already banging another girl!
• I felt my hope and dreams vanish instantly, and all I wanted to do was to disappear.
• Now I know that it was really over between us.