Chapter 6

• While Tammie waited for me, I grabbed a jacket and put on my shoes in silence. We bought a test within thirty minutes and were back in my room. My heart threatened to jump out of my chest, and I felt like throwing up again, only this time because of nerves. I paced the room as we waited for the minutes to be up, and when Tammie's alarm went off, I felt my heart stop. My hands shook with anxiety.
• "I can't look," I said tearfully to Tammie, and she nodded.
• She checked the test I had placed on a chair on top of some toilet paper, and her face told me all I needed to know. I checked for myself, picking up the stick and seeing the two lines sealing my fate.
• "I must have done something wrong," I said, shaking my head.
• "Jade-"
• "I've heard these things sometimes give you a false positive."
• The test had to be wrong, I told myself. There was still a chance that we would laugh about this tomorrow; this was just some fluke.
• Tammie gave me a sad look but nodded. "It's okay. Let's get a different brand."
• We made the short walk to the pharmacy again and got a different test, together with a bottle of water. I drank my water quietly as we walked back home, the denial strong and real in my head. We said nothing until we got home, and I did the whole process again, getting the same results as before.
• There was nothing false about the positive result in my hand. I was pregnant.
• "I'm pregnant," I said, feeling numb even as I said the words.
• This was happening. It wasn't some cute story about Michael and our night together anymore. It was the result of that night together.
• "Oh, Jade," Tammie said, coming to hug me.
• She held me like that for a few minutes while I cried. Never in a million years did I imagine that I would find myself in this situation. I already had enough on my plate with raising my sister and taking care of my father, all while working and trying to get back to school. A child was the last thing I needed right now, but that's what happened when one lost control because of sexy strangers.
• "We have to find him," Tammie said, drawing back and looking at me.
• "How?" I sobbed. "I don't have his number, remember? And I don't even know his full name."
• "We could check with the hotel where he was staying," Tammie suggested.
• "They won't give out private information about their guests. And I called the hall once before, and they couldn't help either."
• "You never told me that you tried looking for him.”
• "Well, I was having a bad day and decided to take a chance, which didn't help anyway."
• We were quiet for a while, and I placed a hand over my stomach. Michael and I had made little human, but I had to deal with it alone. I had thought the worst thing Michael had left me with was a wounded heart, but it seemed I now had a more permanent issue to worry about. Pregnancies didn't heal like broken hearts.
• "I can't do this alone, Tamz," I whispered, tears in my eyes again.
• "I'll be here every step of the way, no matter what you decide to do."
• "I'm scared, Tamz. I don't know what to do."
• "Shh," Tammie said, pulling me into a hug. "We'll figure it out. Tomorrow morning we can go to Planned Parenthood and know the options."
• I nodded and later drifted off to sleep with one thought on my mind,I hope this is all just a dream.
• It turned out that this was the reality, and as the counselor laid out my options before me, I felt overwhelmed. I had woken up feeling better until I entered the room, and the counselor shut the door before me. She'd said I couldn't bring Tammie in, which had made me panic for a second. But now I understood why. This was my journey, and there were some hard truths I needed to face on my own.
• "Would you like a glass of water?" She asked gently.
• "Yes, it seems to be the only thing I can stomach right now."
• "Ah, I see. Crackers also help with morning sickness."
• I drank the cold water in one go and felt a bit better. The counselor didn't rush me as I asked all my questions about the options she had provided me. I knew deep in my heart that termination was not an option I wanted to look into, which left adoption or going through with becoming a single parent. She had mentioned many support groups for young single mothers that helped, but I wasn't sure I was ready for that. We talked at length about adoption, and I was surprised to learn that so many couples were ready and willing to adopt infants.
• I walked out about an hour later with brochures about adoption, and Tammie took me straight home. I had asked my boss for a few days off, and luckily, Tammie was available as well to be there to support me.
• "So, did it help?" She asked, and I nodded.
• I felt a strange calmness in my heart now that I knew my options. All I had to do was make a decision, which was way bet
• ter than not knowing what to do.