Chapter 4

• NOLEN’S POV
• “Are you alright?”
• I dropped my gaze from the large cut-out letters of the school name above the high-arched gate to meet dad’s gaze. He watched me with concern and I realized he had asked that question before.
• “Yeah dad I am,” I replied, cringing inwardly when I realized how much false brightness I forced into my voice. I can’t lie to you and say that I am happy to be in high school again after such a long break. It has nothing to do with the school itself or the students. I’m not scared of being bullied because if there’s one thing I got from dad – aside from his green-eyed good looks – it’s his composure and ability to stand up for himself. He has come full circle from the man he used to be. He’s made it his priority to train his children to speak up and not back down in the face of bullies. Also, I’m 6’2, and I have an athletic build from years of playing football. Who would be foolish enough to bully me?
• I guess what I’m really worried about is being labeled a freak. I know dad managed to get a single apartment for me in school, making sure I don’t have to share my room with anyone. That way, I wouldn’t have to worry about keeping my lights on, but I still can’t take the chance that someone will find out about my weakness and take advantage of it.
• “That’s an awful way of showing it,” Dad scoffed.
• I shrugged. “I really am dad. Look, I don’t want you to worry about anything. You got my apartment, I can keep my lights on as much as I want, I have nothing to worry about.”
• “What about the dreams?”
• “I don’t have them anymore,” I lied with a smile. “Lurane Grant is in prison, she can’t hurt me.”
• “She can never hurt you.” Dad’s voice was hard and firm. I know he regrets ever being engaged to the bitter woman, but I believe that if he had never met her he never would have reconnected with mom, who actually planned their engagement party.
• Funny stuff. Long story, but it’s their story to tell. Too bad I’m scarred as a result.
• “I know that,” I nodded.
• We were finally allowed to go through the gates and dad guided the car down the long gravel path to the main school. I looked out at the school buildings as they flashed past, and soon the hostels loomed ahead of us.
• The final-year seniors at Princeton have separate hostels from the other students and the living arrangement was also different. Only two people were allowed to occupy a room and while the other students had to share a row of communal bathrooms, the seniors had separate bathrooms and toilets, a living room and a kitchenette.
• Usually, a senior is paired with another as a roommate, but dad spoke to the school board, submitted my medical report, and they agreed to let me live alone. So, during the holiday, my room was remodeled to accommodate just one bed. I can’t say I’m not happy about that arrangement. If there’s something I would absolutely love in this final year of high school, it’s privacy.
• While other cars parked in front of the hostels, dad drove further down and parked in front of the senior’s quarters.
• I got down from the car, avoided eye contact with the other people getting their things out of their cars as much as possible and made my way to the trunk to get my stuff. Dad came to help, and together we hauled my things through the gates and up the stairs. I found out later that I was the only one staying upstairs and when I saw what my room looked like, I gasped.
• “Bigger than you thought uhn?” Dad laughed.
• “Definitely larger than what I expected.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “You didn’t get them to break down the walls, did you?”
• Dad shrugged, guilt made his ears turn bright red. “I know how much you love your space and, since I know a couple of the guys on the school board, I thought, why not?”
• “Wow,” I looked around the room again. It was bigger than my room back home, which is not to say that my room at home is in any way small. “Thanks Dad.”
• “Of course, son.” Dad dropped my bags. “I should go now, it’s a 7-hour drive to the airport and a 10-hour flight back home.”
• “Of course, I don’t want to keep you waiting.”
• Dad opened his arms. When I rolled my eyes he cocked his head to the side. “What’s this, you’re now too big to be hugged?”
• “Oh Dad!” I laughed, and he pulled me in, hugging me and patting my back.
• “Your Mom is going to miss you and so will I.”
• “I will miss you guys too.”
• Dad pulled back. “Now hurry up, there’s a seat waiting to be occupied by you in my company.”
• I nodded but deep down I groaned. I walked dad out the door, wondering why he still thought I was good enough to take his place in the company. I’m not a brilliant investor like him, neither am I a good businessman, I’m more of a logical thinker. Desiree thinks I’m a cold, logical thinker, but then again, she’s frivolous and artsy and thinks only after she’s made a decision, so…yeah, I won’t be listening to someone like that.
• I turned around and spent the next 2 hours cleaning up my room and arranging my stuff. Here’s something else about me: I love keeping everything clean. Call me a neat freak. I don’t care, but I would rather have everything in their place than have to fear that every shadow cast by a carelessly discarded cloth is Lurane sneaking up to catch me.
• I opened the small bags containing my medications, sighed and popped two pills into my mouth before making my way into the bathroom to arrange them in the cabinet. By the time I was done arranging my room, it was late into the night and one siren blast, which, according to the student manual in my school bag, was the warning bell for dinner already went off. I wasn’t in the mood to go downstairs and be the new kid, so I fished for some snacks in my bag and munched on them while reading through the student manual.
• As expected, there were a lot of rules and regulations, the usual ones about noise, neatness, respect and blah blah. None of that was surprising to me, however the most surprising thing was the chapter dedicated to s*x.
• An entire chapter contained the rules, regulations and warnings about s*x. First were the warning. I nearly laughed at how many of them were contained in the book. It was something out of a strict Catholic school book of rules. There were warnings about the dangers of having s*x, including diseases, and I found it funny how there were no mentions of safe ways of engaging in sexual activities. I turned the pages, eyes widening at the range of punishments for anyone caught having s*x listed. Suspension, expulsion, sl*t-shaming…wow!
• I turned the book over in my hand, wondering why anyone thought it necessary to demonize s*x this way and how they expected that a school full of teens could be prevented from having s*x. Have you seen teenagers? Have you met them?
• No matter how responsible I am, even I am not left out. For the record, I haven’t had s*x with anyone. Ursula and I did try on my seventeenth birthday though. I know I said we are just friends and that is true, but on my seventeenth birthday she wanted to give me something special, so after the celebrations downstairs we went to my room and began a different celebration of our own.
• Look, Ursula is a very beautiful girl, she’s sweet, and she’s one of my best friends. Just looking at us, it’s easy to assume that there’s something romantic going on between us. Well, we tried and it never worked. So…yeah, we tried to have s*x. We kissed, tongued, she got on her back, and then I got on top of her and tried to penetrate her moist heat.
• Nothing.
• I couldn’t get my d*ck to go in. I couldn’t even get it erect.
• Beneath me, Ursula stopped moaning and undulating her hips beneath me, her legs loosened around my waist and she looked down.
• “What’s happening?” she asked, her voice soft because we were both trying not to alert my nosy family to what was going on upstairs.
• Filled with shame at my inability to get an erection, I squeezed my eyes tight and tried not to think about failing her, but when she touched my face I opened my eyes, looking into her dark brown eyes.
• “Uhmm…” I cleared my throat. “Give me a second.”
• “Okay,” she smiled sweetly and drew me in for a kiss.
• I squeezed my eyes shut, grabbed my c*ck in my hand and began to pump hard. It was a lot of effort focusing all my senses on getting an erection. My c*ck began to harden, a surge of desire surged through my veins and as I began to moan loudly I was vaguely aware of a choking sound coming from beneath me, but I was so engrossed in achieving orgasm that I hadn’t noticed that somehow my other hand had slipped around Ursula’s slender neck, and I was squeezing hard.
• So hard that her eyes were wide with fear.
• Yet even in the sight of her fear, it was all I could do to stop. I tore myself away from her with great effort, terrified yet heavily aroused by what had just happened. I stood there at the foot of the bed with my c*ck jutting out between my thighs, my chest rising and falling as sweat beads on my chest and forehead and blood running in a frenzied, excited pump in my veins.
• “I –,” I started to apologize but stopped. What could I say? How could I explain to my best friend that, for the first time in my life, I felt a rush of sexual excitement and that, for the first time in my life, after many failed attempts with some of my casual flirts from school, I finally knew how I liked s*x? I could explain that perhaps the fear of the darkness within me created this dark desire to f*ck and not make love?
• “I won’t tell anyone,” Ursula promised, her voice soft as she slid from the bed and came to stand before me to hold my face. “I promise.”
• “You probably should,” I told her, frowning as I tried to escape her touch, but her hold on me tightened.
• “I won’t.” Her tone was firmer now, and she reached on her toes to plant a kiss on my lips, but I had gone soft already. I made up for it by laying her on her back and burying my face between her thighs.
• Now that's something I like.
• We never spoke about it again, and we never tried to have s*x anymore, but we remain best friends, and she’s the only one who knows my secret.
• I sighed, tossed the school manual on my reading table and stared down at my blossoming erection. Great.
• Time for a cold shower. I rolled off the bed, shed my clothes and walked into the bathroom.
• No girl wants to be murdered or tortured while having s*x and I sure as hell won’t want to earn a reputation as the creepy weirdo in this school.
• I had just finished taking the coldest, most effective shower of my life when a knock sounded at the door. I plucked my towel from the closet, wrapped it around my waist and made my way to the door.
• A short, almost pixie – like girl with red hair and dark freckles stood on the other side of the door, her mouth dropped open – to talk I assume, but all she did was stare first at my face, then my chest and lower, and she turned as red as her hair.
• “Uhm…”
• “Monica!”
• Monica jumped at the same time that I turned my attention to the corner of the stairs leading up to my landing. She didn’t see me but I saw her.
• Tall, darkly beautiful, dark hair and skin and a sass to her hips when she leaned to one side and scowled at a gapping Monica.
• “What the hell are you doing here? Let’s go!”
• “Uhm…yeah.” Yet Monica looked like she was torn between staring and leaving. Finally, she flashed me a smile and a familiar look of interest entered her eyes as she took one look at me again.
• I’ve seen it a thousand times.
• I tried not to roll my eyes as I watched her half-run and half-walk to meet her still-scowling friend, who grabbed her hand and pulled her down the stairs as fast as lightning – too bad since, from what I could see, she had the kind of full hips and a nicely shaped butt that I see in my fantasies, molded perfectly in her short denim skirt.
• Not that she’s anything different anyway. I’ve seen my share of beautiful girls and every one of them has turned out to be a disappointment for me. And now I’m bored.
• And boredom made for very bad Pierce boys.