Chapter 2 Awful Realization

• I got up from bed to dress myself. When I finally stood up, I went back to my bedroom to take a bath. I went through the railings of the second floor, I walked slowly and from here, I had the overview of the living room where Cedrick and Elise are staying. They were currently sitting on the couch. Side by side at the same time, facing each other sweetly and thickly.
• I simply watched them, they had fun talking. They are not an official couple yet but I know that Elise has feelings for Cedrick. She has deep feelings for Cedrick.
• The two of them had a sweet smile flashed on their faces, which I have never had before and I will never be having, ever. Neither soon nor later.
• My mother used to say... fairy tales are true, I, myself, wanted to believe that they are true. I badly want to believe, with all the pain life has given me, it seems to be like I just want to live in my imagination. Where, I could only experience pure pleasure and happiness, which is far from sorrows and never-ending tears.
• From where I was standing, I could still hear their laughter. Envy welled up in my chest as I listened to their conversation. How does it feel like having someone to laugh with? How does it feel to be cared for? Or the feeling of being loved? Because, by the time I lose my family, I have lost my loved ones… I can no longer remember how being cared for feels like.
• I'm ignorant of those intimate feelings.
• Did I just born yesterday to be ignorant of those overwhelming feelings? Funny, right?
• I took a deep breath before walking back to my own room. I went straight to the bathroom and immediately wetted myself with cold water after undressing. The water flowed through my body, making me close my eyes in so much comfort. Somehow, I breathed a sigh of relief at the comfort it caused.
• My tears flowed while taking a bath. Still thinking about what happened earlier. Why is this happening to me? Why am I hurting? Shouldn’t that just be none of my business? I should be used to Cedrick... Leaving me alone after sex.
• Am I asking for a cuddle? No right?
• My chest is still heavy from what just happened minutes ago. We're both lusting for each other's body but he just abandoned me like trash after his lover came over to his house. The pain is all in me. But I should not be complaining right? I chose this path. I chose to be his sex slave.
• I should accept it without complaints.
• Maybe, I'm a woman born to satisfy greedy people. Ever since our house burned down, my life had no destination at all. I lost my property as well as my parents. They were all… beaten by fire.
• Honestly, before I had met Cedrick, I thought my life would lose its direction. But when he and I crossed each other's paths, I started to stand up. I learned how to stand without my knees shaking in fear. But the direction he had given me isn't going to the right, but the darkness.
• Yes. He helped me. He helped me with all my needs. But all that help has its very own return.
• No other than my body.
• Needs. Exchange of my body.
• I was giving him my body several times every night. I let him touch me, peek at me, I let him undress me and even allowed him to watch after he asked me to masturbate myself. Because according to him… he will take care of the fees in my studies.
• When we first had sex, it wa I want to have a house. I want a shelter. I want a good life.
• So despite the guilt on the chest, of the touches every night… I endured it all. By the time I graduate… I'm leaving here. That's all we talked about.
• I will give him the satisfaction he wants. The pleasure.
• At the beginning, I made it clear to myself that I would only give Cedrick delicious food, which is myself. I also kept myself from falling to him despite the beauty he possessed.
• It was scary to fall for him because I knew he wouldn’t give it back to me.
• Just pure sex and lust. No love mentioned.
• After I took a shower, I turned it off and wrapped myself in a white clean towel. I exited out the bathroom while ruffling my hair with a white towel. When it went dry, I took the lotion and rubbed it on my body. I'm into a white tank top and a dolphin shorts.
• Tomorrow, I will go out to enroll in the school I am going to study at. I am studying for my second year of college at a prestigious school. I never thought Cedrick would invest so much money for my studies. Public universities are enough for me, but maybe because he's rich, he doesn't care about the large amount of the tuition fee there. It's not heavy in his pocket, just hundreds of thousands of coins.
• I take the penguin shorts and a white shirt to the closet. I have a good life here, so maybe, I should just stop complaining. That's right, I won't complain anymore.
• Maybe I'll just accept that a happy life isn't really destined for me, because even if I turn the world upside down… I'm only up to here .. Yes, that's right, I'm only up to here.
• I put some powder on my face to freshen my mood. I had also sprayed some perfume. After I did, I walked over to where my mini table was in the room. I pulled up the chair and sat down. I slowly opened the laptop and checked the website of the university I was going to attend.
• I have also prepared things that I will take tomorrow. Starting with the birth certificate, two by two pictures, good morals, and other important papers.
• In the middle of the preparation, I felt hungry. I touched my stomach after hearing it growl. I got up and walked out of the room. I even met Marta which I was going down with so I was still smiling.
• He knows what Cedrick and I are up to, it's a good thing he's not the type of person to judge right away.
• As I descended the stairs, I could already hear the cheering voices of Cedrick and Elise. He hasn't left yet. What time is it, ah? He came here at three o'clock in the afternoon, it's already seven o'clock in the evening. Is she going to sleep here?
• When I reached the ground floor, I was about to go straight to the kitchen to get food directly but I heard my name called. "Sherin!" She shouted. I was still a little nervous. I know that. It was Elise's voice because it was a woman's voice. She is the only woman with us here except for Marta.
• Despite the nervousness I felt, I turned to her. I flashed an embarrassed smile. I heard every throb of my chest as I waited for what she would say. Cedrick and I were close now, his hand was placed on his woman's thigh. I tried to take my eyes off his hand they were holding.
• "Why?" I asked politely because I knew they were nice to me.
• Cedrick was five years older than me. But it actually looks like Cedrick and I are the same age, in fact, he is really older than me.
• The woman smiled so sweetly at me. "You're so pretty. You're Cedrick's cousin, right?" She asked. I couldn't answer her for a few minutes because of what he said. Me? Cedrick's cousin? E, her lover just adopted me.
• I glanced at the man next to him in astonishment. He smiled at me meaningfully. Because of that, I get what he means.
• I smiled broadly, as well as my eyes smiled to convince her. "Ah! Yes! He's my cousin. My older brother, Cedrick, is my cousin" I laughed slightly.
• Elise lips rounded. "Ugh! I'm glad I've met you. He's not telling me he has a cousin. I thought, he doesn't have any relatives anymore. He just told me that he has a female cousin." he said.
• I smiled awkwardly again. "Ah, yes, I just came here today. I'm going to study here. Last week, my parents passed away because of a car accident. I just came home to the Philippines from the states the other day. It wasn't expected either. I'm glad here's my cousin Cedrick." I said and turned to the man next to him. "Isn't it true, my brother Cedrick?" I raised my brow while pouting, making myself look so sad in their eyes.
• "U-Uh. Yeah… that's actually the reason why…" Cedrick nodded anxiously so I almost laughed in my mind. He doesn't know how to act! If this is an audition, he will definitely not be accepted!
• I pointed to the kitchen over my shoulders. "You want to eat? I'll eat too, I'll cook. Do you want to eat with me?" I asked them.
• Elise's eyes lit up. "Oh, you know how to cook?" She asked in shock.
• "Yes? It's easy to cook." Is this how cooking deals with her? Is cooking hard? Not either. Well, that was for me.
• "Haha, I hope I can say that too." She shook her head. I just laughed at her. I won't be surprised anymore. She grew up rich. Maybe even holding the lid of the pot every time she eats their assistant is working for her. I bet she has people in all her doings.
• "Okay, I'll go on," I said and went straight to the kitchen.