Chapter 19 Don't Open The Door

• Shivangi was alone all over again. She had only one friend, her sister, whom she could call and talk for hours to let go of her loneliness. But fate had taken her away too like her parents. Now there were only the four walls, ceiling and the inanimate furniture to give her company. But she couldn't blame Upendra. He had taken care of her all these months and didn't let her complain about anything. Now he had an important client meet at Mumbai. Upendra was ambitious and didn't want to get tethered to his family for long. Otherwise it was just the two of them. And they had all the material comforts of the world. Then again maybe that was the reason why he wanted to keep himself busy in work. To forget the void in his life. But thinking optimistically, there were so many couples in the world who had adopted a child. She had talked it out with him during the initial years of their marriage, but Upendra didn't agree. She had found out Upendra to be old-fashioned in this regard. Was his husband loyal to her? The question had pricked her like a thorn time and again. He used to stay away from home eleven months on a year. Was those all for work? Was there any other woman in his life? She knew she couldn't blame him, if he had. But still the possibility troubled her. But now when he had gone away leaving her again, why wasn't she feeling insecured?
• It was strange, but Upendra's absence made her happier . Her mind had turned into a bird now - soaring high into the sky, merging into the blue infinite existence .. and then coming down towards the earth again. How beautiful everything looked from here .. the greenery, flowers. How fragrant the air had become! Was spring a particular time in a year or is it a state of mind? Does the petals of palash bloom only on earth? She perched occasionally on the branch of a tree and told herself. 'The curse has been lifted off you dear girl, you can fall in love all over again .. the love which had eluded you since long had come to surrender .. don't let it go this time. She was sure Arunava had fallen for her, but he was very shy to take the first step. Come on, she told herself. In which book is it written that it had to be the men first? Would she give him a ring? Since the accident they had become good friends. And it wasn't a sin to enquire about a friend's health after a long time .. how long had it been since those eyes had lured her with their depths and everything had messed up inside her? Was it the first day he had dropped down suddenly from the sky at Suparna's flat? Or was it when he had lifted her in his arms out of the bathtub? Even in her state of unconsciousness, she could still smell his masculine fragrance, feel the curves of his chest, listen to the heaving of his breasts as he held her close. It had been a while she had rested her head on a man's chest and closed her eyes, feeling her hairs being caressed ..
• God what was she thinking? This was immoral.