Chapter 4 He Doesn't Want Me To Leave

• Two weeks passed and all that I wanted to do was go To college .
• I just couldn’t stay one more moment in this house .
• I felt like I was losing my senses .
• I couldn’t accept the fact that this was me .
• The thoughts going through my head we're making me go insane and making me question if I was normal.
• No matter what it was , I just couldn’t accept it .
• After the incident that happened that night at the kitchen , I have done everything humanly possible to avoid my step dad .
• I knew that I wasn’t in the right state of mind , but one thing I knew was that I said those words out of my mouth and when he touched me , I never stopped him .
• The way he touched me , I had never felt that way before , not even when my boyfriend did .
• There was just something about it that I just couldn’t explain .
• I knew that it was wrong , having dirty thoughts about my stepfather who was my mom's husband was more chilling but I just can’t accept it no matter how much I tried .
• Shuan touched my breast that night and even fingered me in the kitchen cabinet .
• It was one hell of a night and I wouldn’t deny the fact that it was one of my best nights .
• The way he made me feel with his fingers , I had never felt that way with Chris d**k before .
• I knew that I shouldn’t be doing this or even trying to stay away from my step father , but I just can’t help it .
• All I wanted right now was my step father to myself. I wanted him to do the things he did that night and seeing him so hard like a Rock and pulling away because according to him it was the right time made my heart ache with anger .
• I couldn’t wait to feel him inside of me , I knew this was absurd and weird at the same time .
• I knew that I was sick with this thought going through my mind , but if it was for my step dad I didn’t mind , I just didn’t know I can’t have him all to myself , after all he wants me as much as I did .
• I knew I was going nuts and crazy with those thinking I just couldn’t help it , all I wanted right now was for my wishes to be satisfied .
• One thing I know is that I wouldn’t do anything to hurt my mother , that woman had sacrificed so much for me and I knew that she deserved that happiness but I couldn’t help it .
• I knew that it was best that I kill every stupid feelings that I had with my step dad , after all I was going to be away soon , so there’s no fucking need for me to get myself messed all over him .
• I should just stick to Chris because he belongs to me and Shaun belongs to my mother .
• I knew that killing all those thoughts and acting like Nothing ever happened was going to help .
• If I didn’t want to hurt my mom then I had to do this .
• The thought of how my mom was going to react if she found out what I had done was killing me .
• A loud bang on my door brought me out of my thoughts but before I could say a word , the door to my room, mom walked in with my step dad .
• “For fuck sake mom , you should have waited for my permission to get in before you did , you are invading my space and I don’t like it “ I yelked out
• Mom didn’t say a word to me alongside my step dad who didn’t say but just stared at me .
• “ Sorry but I know that you wouldn’t be getting dressed at this point , that was the only reason why I walked in .
• “ but that doesn’t mean that you can just walk in , you should have waited for me to tell you to before you came in .
• I didn’t know why I was so pissed , I didn’t know if it was because my mom got married to another man and forgot all about me or my dad , or she walked into my room with the man that I want .
• “ you know what rissa , I just came here to share a little piece of information .
• Well since you have gotten admitted , your dad and I have decided that you aren’t going to stay outside the house .
• Since your school is just a few kilometers away from here , I think it would be okay for your dad to take you to school daily , after all you are just 20 and in that way you can get closer to him and bond quickly .
• I listened to all that my mom had just said and all that I could feel was anger .
• I didn’t want to believe that I had gotten the admission that I had always wanted and no one told me and secondly , she wants me to go to school from home without even thinking about what I want , she settled it with her new husband without even caring about me .
• “ How dare she ?”
• Risssa , you haven’t said a word to me , I hope you are okay with that decision .
• “Okay , mom”
• I should be okay with that decision “
• For Christ's sake mom , we agreed that even after you got married , nothing was going to happen between us ,how come you don’t care about me or my opinion anymore .
• “Risssa , you will not speak to your mother in such disrespectful manner again “
• I turned to look at my step dad who was standing right beside my mom .
• The guts and the nerves he got.
• “ you dare talk to me about respect , you shuan , this has got nothing to do with you, and mom , he is not my father “
• “ he is your father and you would accept that , I don’t care what you say or think but my decision is final , you would school from home whether you like it or not , your opinion doesn’t count anymore , I think I have been too weak with you “ my mom yelled at me and walked out with my stepfather right behind her , he had a silly smirk on his face as he walked out of the room with my mom .
• I didn’t need anyone to tell me he did that , all this was his manipulations , he didn’t want me to leave .