Chapter 39

• What if he doesn’t feel the way I feel? I shudder to think that I’ve been misinterpreting his intentions all this time. It would be so embarrassing to take a giant leap of faith and be wrong. But then I remember the way he used to look at me. The twinge in his jaw. The clench of his fist. Even the outline of his cock through his scholarly trousers. He couldn’t resist looking at me even in the middle of a lesson. Oh god, that unspoken tension. How will I ever get closure if I don’t try?
• I summon up the courage needed to pull out of the driveway and roll on down the road toward my old high school. It’s a short drive since this is a small town and everything is pretty close together. I smile at the familiar sights and sounds as I make my way to the school. Memories rush back to me when I pull up to the old parking lot. In a town like this, there’s little security. We trust each other. We know each other. And since it’s a Saturday, I found a parking space without any trouble.
• I get out of my car and look around, marveling at how small everything seems now, with the new lens of a year. I feel like I’ve outgrown this place. Like a pair of too-tight shoes, you used to wear every day. The buildings that felt intimidating back then look small and modest to me now, as a college girl. Living on a university campus has expanded my world. And yet, it’s easy enough to still feel like a high schooler as I walk the halls. I can slip back into who I was. I feel the familiar rebellious spirit inside me, wanting to break free. Wanting to break a rule.