Chapter 3 Seperation

• ******
• Has your heart ached so badly you wondered if it'll stop beating?
• *********
• He did the best he could to get some of the things on the list and the rest he couldn't do them. The time was too short and he had less money. She wasn't happy but she often has her ways of footing bills by accumulating more debts for him and so she gave Allison the fancy birthday.
• A few months after her birthday, she got a job and all hell broke loose. He was still able to get by, to support her, while he struggled to clear his many loans. Then his company went into a little dilemma and Mr. Zachary needed to let some workers go and he was one of them. He hadn't even recovered from the shock of losing his job when his wife came home with divorce papers. He had refused to sign them and she had promised to suck the living daylight out of him until he did.
• After everything and now she wants to leave him, at this worst state in time. Couldn't she have at least waited until he got himself another job? Where would he go? What would he do? She's about taking it all and leaving him with nothing. Why would she even do this to him? He has tried everything for her, to please her, he hardly ever complains about her extravagant lifestyle.
• Everyone mustn't be the same. That's what he's always said. Don't we all have our little flaws and faults, but that doesn't define who we are. A little imperfection, we have all got that and with Maria, he did nothing but see her in that light. She adores fancy things and wants to own the best, it's not a bad thing. That's just who she was and he loved her like that.
• What heinous crime had he committed to have been gifted with such ill fate?
• "I forbid you from dropping out of school for any woman!"
• His father's words rang through his ears like a sour tone.
• Allison turned two then five and he couldn't tolerate her anymore. He wanted to for his daughter's sake, he loves that little monkey too much, she makes his life worthwhile but her mother was going to make sure he either died or went insane. He had to do something. He had to do something before he got out of hand. He had gotten a series of other jobs and had lost all of them mainly because his performance was lacking, he was always tired and would fall asleep at work, he would lose control at slight provocation and often be found snapping at customers and his health was deteriorating as he found solace in alcohol.
• He didn't want that picture to be the one Alison remembers the older she gets. Already he had noticed she seemed slightly ashamed of him from when she would come to hug him and sniff the smell of booze as if he had just taken a fresh bath in a tub filled with alcohol. Then she stopped hugging him whenever he returned home and her mother wouldn't stop nagging him and making a scene, most times she would hit him a couple of times without minding the young eyes watching.
• That night he had returned home clean. Alison was kneeling in front of the television. He always found that posture adorable, like a little angel waiting for her wings to manifest, her smooth black hair swept down her shoulders to her waist. Her mother had just combed her hair. He could tell from how smoothly they flowed. Her plate of snacks sat in front of her, her little fingers constantly dipping into the plate to pick a snack but her eyes stayed focused on the cartoon.
• He got her a stuffed unicorn, a really big one nearly as tall as she was. Once he had dropped his satchel bag, he walked towards the oblivious girl. Her soft giggle filled his ears when she laughed at her cartoons and he smiled. It warmed his heart.
• "Hey, baby girl?" He called from behind her and she turned to look at him.
• "Hi." She returned and faced her show once again.
• "Well, I have a present for you." She turned towards him again and when she saw the unicorn she jumped with joy and rushed over to him, feet or two away from him and she paused and began to sniff the air around him a few times. He felt ashamed of himself. He never drank alcohol, never gotten used to drinking them, and just like his daughter he too had once hated the smell of it, he had only tasted a few glasses only during social gatherings but now even his daughter considers him an alcoholic. Once the little girl didn't catch a whiff of alcohol she closed the little distance between them and hugged him. "I am so sorry, sweetheart." He apologized as he hugged her tightly. His fingers trembled, heart-throbbing within his chest painfully, and his eyes wouldn't stop creating a flood.
• "It's going to be alright, Daddy, okay?"
• He forced a chuckle and hauled her feet off the ground, she giggled again as he spun her around, her laughter filled the living room, it was music to his ears and it soothes his burning heart. Slowly he let her down then gave her the toy, she laughed at it while gripping tightly to it then she kissed it.
• "I'm going to call you, Alexander, just like my Dad's!" She giggled then reached for her father's face and gently kissed his cheeks. "I like it when you don't drink." She whispered and he nodded. "You smell much better this way, Allie likes it." He forced a soft chuckle, a stray tear escaped his eyes at that time but he quickly swiped it off before she noticed.
• "There is something I would like to tell you, sweetie, it's not going to be easy to hear especially at this age but I promise you, everything will be alright. It won't change anything, my love will always be all yours. You will remain my favorite angel." He was going to tell her as smoothly as he could, he would break the news to her and help her understand that it what's best, he would assure her he'd always be there for her no matter what but Maria had gone and did like her.
• "What is it, Daddy?" She asked with raised brows, pouty lips, and wet lashes.
• "Your father and I are separating." They both turned to find Maria coming down the stairs. Dressed in a sleek black gown, her silver jewels adorned her ears, neck, and wrists, her face expressionless but she was beautiful. Her makeup made her face radiant and her lips wore a shade of dark red.
• "Really?" She met her father's eyes and the man shamefully nodded. He felt like a failure. Like he hadn't done enough, he didn't even try. He failed woefully. "But, why, mommy?" That next question broke his last resolve and he cried, two fingers camped tightly to his eyes to keep the tears in. This wasn't how he intended for her to hear about this but, all the same.
• Waving the question their daughter had asked like it didn't matter, or deserved an answer, she went on to speak. "And he is moving out tonight." She sat down facing them, one leg crossed over the other with a stern, hateful glare fixed on Alexander.
• "Where will you go?" She asked her father this time with teary eyes and quivering lips.
• She was trying to fight her own emotions, to fight the tears already sipping through her lashes. Alexander pulled his daughter in and hugged her, one hand rubbing soothing circles at her back. "I got a little apartment just nearby, baby girl," he lied, he had in fact lost another job that night and had no place or money. "Don't worry, I'm alright, I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself." she laughed despite herself and he forced a smile.
• "You promise?" She asked softly and he nodded.
• "I promise," she giggled a little then frowned again. "Now, I just need my big girl to make a big girl's promise to me that she will study hard, make good friends and always be happy and strong for Daddy." He gave her his pinky and she joined hers to his while nodding violently.
• "I promise." She giggled and he laughed warmly.
• Alexander was proud of the little angel. She was strong and full of love. "I love it better when you laugh like this, Allie, never let your smile disappear, you hear me?" She nodded again. "Nothing and nobody is worth losing that precious smile for, my beautiful angel," he hopes she remembers that. He had long forgotten how to smile. Maria has stolen that from him.
• "I love you, Daddy."
• "I love you too, monkey." He tickled her sides and she laughed loudly.
• "Please, don't drink anymore, Daddy."
• He stifled a smile and nodded. "Now, go watch your cartoon, I have something to discuss with your mother." Once she had returned to the television, he met Maria's gaze as it was on him the entire time. She simply pointed to the dining table where the papers were. He got to the table and with trembling hands and shaky breaths, he signed the papers, wiping tears from his eyes afterward. He turned to find Maria behind him with his single duffle bag already packed.
• "Your things." She said, dumping the bag to the ground and folding both hands across her chest.
• "You look really good tonight, Maria, as always. I know I haven't been the best for you, I only wished I could have done better, but you deserve to be happy and if this is how you will find that happiness then I give it to you. I love you, Maria, you're the only one I've ever loved, you were my first even when I wasn't yours, I thought you were going to be my last too but hey, things happen right." He laughed but his laughter was tinted with pain, shame, and guilt. He picked up his bag and walked towards his daughter, kissing the back of her head but she turned and hugged him instead. Like a koala clung to a tree she gripped his neck tightly and he knew she was crying when he felt her tremble in his arms. His heart was going to give out on him if he didn't leave that moment so he untangled himself from her grip and kissed her hair once again before heading for the door.
• "Take care, Daddy."
• Those three words felt like the last blow he had been craving and once it was delivered he knew his death was just right around the corner. Without the heart to look back for fear of what he would see in those little black eyes, he quickly shut the door and hurried over to his beat-up truck, tossed the bag in, and drove away. His eyes bleed the whole time he drove earnestly around town and for hours he just roamed, consumed with thoughts, from the day he had asked the beautiful cheerleader out on their first date, to the day he had shared his first kiss with her, his mind wandered, going back and forth like a spinning boomerang. Chasing past and present and then blending both into one huge void of misery. The feeling of emptiness violently sucked his soul from within and his heart throbbed without end.
• He wanted to give up on living, to drive his car into a tree or a pole and fuck the world. But he had Allison to worry about. It would hurt her if he did that. She would never forgive him and with that little bit of hope, like a dim unstable light flashing from a distance, he sought an alleyway, where he parked his truck and cried to his heart's content.
• *****************