Chapter 10 I Want a Divorce

• Xi Qingchuan left me alone that night. Regardless, it was a night of uneasy sleep.
• Thoughts about where Ni Yizhou had gone kept plaguing my mind. Had something terrible happened to him? Why hadn’t he contacted me for so many years?
• Perhaps nothing had happened at all. He had just found a new girlfriend and begun his life afresh.
• There was nothing I could say about that. After all, I was married to Xi Qingchuan now.
• It had been a formality at first, but we had consummated it yesterday, hadn’t we?
• My fragmented dreams were shattered completely by Qiao Yi’s call. I was still in a daze when I picked up her call. Her sobbing rang out from the other end of the phone.
• “Xiao Sheng, they’re all lies. He lied to me. Everything was a sham. These gay men are heartless. They’re heartless cads!”
• “What happened? Why are you wailing so early in the morning?”
• My heart jumped with every word she shouted. I sat up in bed and looked at the clock on the wall. It wasn’t even eight in the morning yet.
• “What’s wrong?”
• “It’s Sen…” I had to listen carefully to piece together what she was saying underneath all that sobbing. “He knew that I was a woman right from the start. He’s been lying to me all along.”
• “What lie? Didn’t he propose to you yesterday?”
• “He did. He proposed. But he was trying to trick me into becoming his beard.”
• “What do you mean by that? How did you find out?”
• “He left his mobile phone on the table when he went to the washroom yesterday. It wasn’t locked, and I saw the chat history between him and his friend. His family’s nagging at him to get married. His parents want a kid. That’s why he had his eyes on me. I was lucky I got a look at his chat history, or else I would’ve been tricked into marrying him like an idiot. Do you know how horrible it is to be a gay man’s beard? These gay men aren’t interested in women at all. They see women as their archenemies. There is only one reason for marrying a woman, and that is to bear them children and hide their homosexuality from other people. A beard’s fate is worse than death. You lose your heart to the gay man, and lose your youth to your loveless marriage. There’s no happy ending.”
• I became more upset than she was as I listened to her. I asked sullenly, “did you sleep with him?”
• “Not yet.”
• “Why are you crying your heart out then? You’ve only known each other for two days. Don’t tell me your love for him has grown so deep?”
• “Not quite, but the feeling of being deceived by someone is so awful. Listen to me, Xiao Sheng. You can marry a pig or even a dog, but you must never ever marry a gay man. You’ll suffer terribly if you do that. Why am I telling you this anyway? Xi Qingchuan’s not gay. Lucky for you.”
• Who said he wasn’t? I thought sullenly.
• She was talking to a gay man’s wife right now.
• I fell silent for a moment before replying her.
• “Alright, stop crying. You haven’t known each other for very long. There’s no need to cry your heart out for him. Be smarter the next time you meet someone new. I told you not to hang out in places like that.”
• “You’re right. I won’t ever go to a gay bar again. Over my dead body. You know what they say about whores and faggots. They’re all heartless bitches.”
• That was a bit too much. It appeared that Qiao Yi had cried her fill though.
• “Alright, I haven’t slept yet. I’m going to go have a good sleep now, and forget all about this cad. I’m so lucky that we barely spent two days together. Any more and I might develop feelings for him. That would be hell then. You should listen to me. If we have any female friends who have similar encounters, they should get themselves out of that situation as soon as possible. Don’t ever harbor any hope that a gay man will fall in love with you. That will never happen.”
• Qiao Yi hung out and went to bed after she had said her piece. My heart had turned cold after hearing what she had said.
• I didn’t hold any hopes for Xi Qingchuan ever falling in love with me. But I couldn’t guarantee that this would remain unchanged, that as I spent more time with him, I wouldn’t develop any hopes or feelings for him.
• The world was inconstant. Nothing was guaranteed.
• I lost all desire for sleep. I sat up in bed and started fiddling with my mobile phone.
• I clicked open a streaming website. A window recommending a movie popped up. I clicked it without thinking. It was a movie about a gay man’s wife.
• I read the introduction to the movie briefly. It was about a woman who found out that her husband was gay after he had passed away.
• He had spent the remaining days of his life with the man whom he had loved. In the end, he had even willed the entirety of his assets to his male lover. His wife had had a child with this man, and the child had grown to his teens. She had wasted her youth on this man but had gotten none of his love in return.
• The wife was constantly running away in fear and weeping in the movie. I began to grow fearful with panic for no reason at all as I watched the movie. It was as if I was seeing my own future playing out before my eyes.
• A thought suddenly struck me. When we had done the deed two days ago, we hadn’t used any form of protection.
• I didn’t want to end up like the woman in the movie.
• I leapt out of bed, pulled on my clothes hastily and rushed out of my room. I had to get to the pharmacy and get some pills. I prayed it wasn’t too late for that.
• I bumped into Xi Qingchuan in the corridor. He was about to leave the house as well. He was probably on his way to work.
• I didn’t feel like apologizing for bumping into him. He grabbed my arm, a fierce scowl on his face.
• “You in a rush?”
• I was still feeling upset and uneasy over what Qiao Yi had said. I couldn’t be bothered with him at all. I yanked my arm out of his grip and ran off.
• I did some math in my head. It hadn’t passed 48 hours yet. I recalled that the pharmacy sold pills that were still effective after 48 hours had passed.
• Thank heavens, I got my hands on the pill. I tore the box open and swallowed the pill dry. I almost choked on the spot.
• I finally released a sigh of relief when the pill slid down my throat.
• I’d rather die than become a beard. I wasn’t going to bear Xi Qingchuan any children.
• After some contemplation, I realized how dangerous it was to stay married to Xi Qingchuan. It didn’t matter how he felt towards Xiao Shi. He was never going to fall in love with me. I should do everything to prevent myself from falling in love with him too.
• I walked away from the counter, towards the entrance of the pharmacy. Within the few short meters, I had made up my mind. I was going to get a divorce.
• Yes. Immediately. Right now.
• I hailed a cab and headed straight for Xi Qingchuan’s office. It was like a replay of what had happened two days ago. His sexy female secretary desperately tried to stop me from entering his office. Was he reenacting something inside that was not rated PG-13 again?
• What I had to speak to Xi Qingchuan about today took precedence over that. I pushed his secretary aside and barged right in.
• “Xi Qingchuan, I have something…”
• The remaining words got stuck in my throat. What were my eyes seeing?
• It was the exact same scenario. Xi Qingchuan lay on the sofa, his pants pulled down and revealing a significant portion of his tanned ass. Bai Yu sat next to him, his hand fondling Xi Qingchuan’s ass.
• My god. Did he had some rule about doing it only when he was in the office?