Chapter 8

• She took an overnight flight when she had signs of bleeding, had warnings to slow down, attended a three-day conference in Germany, and delivered their premature baby in a bar bathroom after taking clients out to wine and dine. The baby didn't live a week, and not once could Sophia show herself to her or take responsibility for what she'd done. She came to her senses too late. Her guilt and heartbreak destroyed her, but no one saw it because her face was a blank and dry picture, and Leon lost what little affection he ever held for her. Disgusted by her indifference in what he felt was the most painful tragedy of their lives.
• Sophia swallowed it down with every other loss and pain, and she moved on with her life at a fast pace so she could forget. She wanted to forget her so she could pretend it never happened.
• "Vice president Hale, do you need anything?" Leon's secretary interrupts her empty gazing into space as her thoughts run wild, and she blinks at her in irritation. Coming back to earth and her surroundings with a bump. She shakes herself mentally and returns to her original façade.
• "No. It's fine; I'm leaving." She smiles insincerely and strolls past her as though all is right in her world. Playing the part.
• Leon and Sophia are always very careful about who sees them in their fake marriage, so they make a point of showing the world how happy they are. They act so well when the occasion calls for them to appear together in public that she thinks it's fooled her heart all these years that she loves him.
• "Have a good day, Vice President." The young girl opens the door to let her out and quickly moves so Sophia can leave without throwing her a glance.
• She pulls out her cell phone and immerses her focus there, checking her schedule for the day, knowing she didn't leave any space to allow herself to go to her grave even though she said she would. She never intended to. She can't put herself through that. As for dinner tonight with her mother and Johnny, that's a given most nights of the week, not that Leon would know, as he rarely comes home before eleven pm regularly.
• "Sophia, dine with Johnny tonight. I have plans," her mother greets her in the lounge as she returns from work, crossing paths as Sophia enters and her mother departs. Sophia forces a bright smile onto her face. Her mother, blissfully unaware of the day of the week, let alone the date, is one person who won't acknowledge today. Thankfully.
• "Something fun?" Sophia inquires, pausing to adjust the collar of the coat her mother is donning. She admires her mother's enduring beauty. She hasn't aged a day in the past decade and maintains the same composed demeanor she had when Sophia was a child, especially when dressed like this. It's easy to overlook everything and revel in her apparent happiness.
• "Playing bridge with the girls. I shouldn't be home too late. Johnny is already in the dining room," her mother responds, patting Sophia's cheek with a loving smile. Always elegantly dressed and poised, the epitome of class and grace, Sophia sometimes finds it hard to reconcile this image with the woman her mother is when no one is watching.
• Her mother navigates life by popping happy pills and avoiding reality as much as possible, much like Sophia. The only difference is her mother has nothing in her life to distract her from the long days, except her children. She doesn't work anymore, having retired a long time ago, so her life of leisure consists of oscillating between manic bouts of activity and outings, and days spent endlessly in bed in a dark room, refusing to get up. She's on a high lately, which means a series of social dates and coming home drunk after splurging at whatever club or game she's attended.
• Sophia watches her leave before turning on her heel and slowly wandering through their open-plan, luxurious home to the formal dining area. She spots Johnny already seated with an array of dishes spread out before him. He's absentmindedly picking at his food, appearing overly serious and lost in thought. Sophia prepares herself for what she expects is coming, steeling herself and donning her mask of indifference.
• "Are you sulking or problem-solving?" she teases as she slides into the seat opposite him. She immediately sees his face light up at her presence, a stark contrast to his demeanor when she observes him from a distance. Johnny has never really been the same since his father passed away. He carries a heavy load of sorrowful emotions, which are often too apparent.
• "Neither, just thinking... How are you feeling?" he asks cautiously, causing Sophia to tense. She knows that of all the people in this house, he's the only one who would ask her that today of all days. Sometimes, she feels like Johnny is more of a living record of her life's disasters than she is. He remembers everything and always tries to draw it out of her, albeit carelessly.
• "Why would today be any different? It's the same as every other day," Sophia responds brightly. She leans back as Emily, the housekeeper, sets her dishes in front of her, identical to his. She ignores his lingering gaze as he attempts to decipher her emotions, and she sends a grateful smile Emily's way as she departs.
• "You know, it's okay not to be okay. That's the problem with this family. We all pretend we're fine when we're not. We're as dysfunctional as they come." Sophia disregards his intense stare, picks up her cutlery, and pretends to be eager to eat her food, even though the mere smell of it reminds her that she's not hungry.
• "What's bothering you today? Did your deal not go through? Is work stressing you out?" Sophia deflects the conversation and prepares to dig into her creamy pasta dish, ignoring the topic she knows he's eager to discuss. She erects a mental barrier that he'll never breach. This is her strategy for dealing with everything.
• "Sophia...?" Johnny's voice carries a tremor of emotion and a nearly desperate need to discuss feelings. She knows him too well, and if she allows him, he'll delve into topics she'd rather not discuss, spoiling her mood.
• "Today, I handed Leon the approval file from accounting. It seems his investment in Biotech might become a reality. He has a keen eye. I believe we'll see a long-term return on this and secure funding to elevate POLO to a new level." Sophia forces the food into her mouth, even though it tastes like ash when she's feeling this way. Her heart beats a tad faster than usual because she wants him to let it go, but she knows he's more persistent than that.
• "Did you go?" He disappoints her by being as tenacious as she knows him to be.
• "To Leon's office? Of course, he's been waiting four days for the risk report. I delivered it immediately." Sophia pretends to be clueless and continues to swallow, even though it feels like swallowing razor blades. She can't bring herself to look at him and instead focuses on her plate.
• "The grave, Sophia." Johnny cuts straight to the chase, and she halts with her fork halfway to her mouth, unable to suppress the gut punch but refusing to meet his gaze.