Chapter 7

• I just wanted to wash away everything that happened. I scrubbed and scrubbed but the shadow of what happened yesterday still loomed over my head like a dark cloud.
• I was so embarrassed to even show my face at work. Maggie was right. How am I even supposed to have a relationship with this guy? He's my boss for Christ's sake, he clearly hates people, and hates the world for that matter.
• I have the worst luck with men.
• My last boyfriend, Matt, was my first ever boyfriend. Yeah yeah I had my first boyfriend at 18.
• I lost my virginity to him and then he cheated on me and left me crying my eyes out. From then on, I looked at men differently. It seemed as if all they wanted from women was sex.
• No one wants a relationship anymore, no one cares about bonding and starting families. This world is fueled by sex crazed men and women.
• Granted, I couldn't even look at my parents' relationship for advice. They didn't even have a relationship. I don't remember the last time my mom and dad hugged, or told each other that they loved one other.
• I don't remember the last time my mom left her house to go socialize. My mom was miserable and my dad was in prison and still is.
• My brother John has been in the Middle East for over 3 years now and every time he comes back home he goes to Minnesota to see his girlfriend.
• I barely know my own brother, I have no one. I don't have anyone in this world to keep me sane. I only have Maggie, and she probably hates me now.
• My biggest fear in life is to be hurt by the one I love the most. I'm scared that if I trust someone, they'll just use it against me and I'll end up being alone and miserable like my mom.
• As I walked into my office, I immediately buried myself in my work. I didn't even want to stop by Ryan's office to say good morning because I was so embarrassed.
• At around 1 in the afternoon I received a knock on my office door.
• "Come in" I chirped.
• Ryan walked into the office and sat down in front of me.
• We just stared at each other for a good 2 minutes.
• "Good afternoon" he said rudely with a hint of humor in his tone.
• I smiled "good afternoon. Nice weather we're having right?"
• He shook his head and from the corner of my eye I saw a small smile playing on his lips.
• "Your roommate seems very...assertive" he said.
• "Oh yes she is. I managed to have my first fight with her because of her assertiveness" I drowned.
• He sat up straighter in his chair and straightened his collar "how come?"
• I looked at him and folded my arms on the desk. "She thinks you're no good for me, and I wasn't having any of it. What happened yesterday meant nothing. You're way out of my league and I'm well aware of that. It was just spur of the moment"
• He swallowed and nodded while pursing his lips "well first, I would like to say that in no way shape or form am I out of your league, and secondly, you have no way of assessing my feelings for or about you. Have a good day Maddie" he stood up and left briskly.
• Did I just...hurt his feelings? I have never been more confused. He actually seemed hurt at my comment. I thought he'd agree with what I said.
• "Ryan" I said as I knocked on his office door 30 minutes later. There was no response. I knocked again and opened the door to see a lady sitting on his desk in front of him with her skirt halfway up her thighs.
• My eyes widened and almost fell out of my head. Ryan quickly stood up and was about to say something but before he could, I slammed the door in his face and went back to my office.
• First of all, this was completely inappropriate, for a man of his power and societal ranking to be fooling around in his office was absurd.
• Why should I care? We're not dating, we're not married. This isn't my problem and shouldn't be. I tried pushing the thought of him kissing another girl away and out of my head for good but when the thoughts came back, they made me want to physically vomit.
• I just wanted to wash away everything that happened. I scrubbed and scrubbed but the shadow of what happened yesterday still loomed over my head like a dark cloud.
• I was so embarrassed to even show my face at work. Maggie was right. How am I even supposed to have a relationship with this guy? He's my boss for Christ's sake, he clearly hates people, and hates the world for that matter.
• I have the worst luck with men.
• My last boyfriend, Matt, was my first ever boyfriend. Yeah yeah I had my first boyfriend at 18.
• I lost my virginity to him and then he cheated on me and left me crying my eyes out. From then on, I looked at men differently. It seemed as if all they wanted from women was sex.
• No one wants a relationship anymore, no one cares about bonding and starting families. This world is fueled by sex crazed men and women.
• Granted, I couldn't even look at my parents' relationship for advice. They didn't even have a relationship. I don't remember the last time my mom and dad hugged, or told each other that they loved one other.
• I don't remember the last time my mom left her house to go socialize. My mom was miserable and my dad was in prison and still is.