Chapter 5 Love Stuck

• EMMA’s POV :
• “Elliot… I… I…” I took a deep breath and steadied myself, finally saying, “I’m sorry, but I can't give you an answer right now. This is a lot and it’s serious and I have to think about it first…”
• “Oh,” his mouth formed an ‘O’ and the look of hope and excitement in his eyes faded into disappointment.
• “I have no idea you’re even considering something like this. You never even told me about it,” I said to him.
• “That’s what I’m doing now, I’m telling you. This is what I want,” he paused for a beat before continuing, “Is this not what you want?”
• “I… I mean, it’s a big step…” I stammered. “I’m just turning twenty-two this year… and I may look like it, but I don’t feel like an adult. I still feel like I’m just a child and I don’t even know what my life is gonna be like a month from now. You know what I mean?”
• “I understand,” Elliott put his gaze down and sighed. He closed the little velvet box and shoved it back into his jacket pocket.
• The air suddenly felt cold and I could hear the faint whispers and murmurs of the people watching us. I didn’t dare to look, I was afraid I’d be faced with judgmental eyes or pity smiles.
• “Ehem,” Tristan coughed awkwardly as he stepped towards us. I was glad that he decided to come in at this point. He was saving us from the awkward ‘now what’ conversation.
• “You got your hot dogs?” I said to him.
• “Yup…” he replied.
• “So… uh, is there any other place we should go to before we head back?” I said to both Elliott and Tristan. I was trying to make the situation as calm and as normal as possible, but Elliott wasn’t buying into it.
• “I think I’ll just go home,” he said, pausing for a moment before continuing, “You two can keep going, I’ll take the train back. I could use the time to think,”
• “Are you sure…?” I asked cautiously.
• “Yes. I’ll see you at home,” he let out a small smile and leaned towards me for a kiss. I didn’t move away, and I thought he was going to kiss me on the lips, but he kissed me on the cheek instead.
• I didn’t say another word. I just watched quietly as Elliott turned around and walked out of the park. Meanwhile, Tristan was studying my face intently and he let out a long deep sigh once Elliott was out of sight.
• “Whoa, E, what in the world happened just now?”
• “I don’t know, T. I don’t know where this is coming from. We never talked about marriage or anything like that. Elliott’s just always so… unpredictable,” I started babbling out of control. “It’s like Paris all over again. We never talked about being together, but suddenly he wants to come follow me to the States. And okay, so he wants to have a relationship with me, I can handle that. But this? A marriage? All of a sudden? Like… how?”
• I only stopped talking to catch my breath. Tristan fished out a bottle of water from his hot dog doggie bag and handed it to me, he knew full well that I was thirsty after all that ranting. I quickly took it from him and gulped down half the bottle at one go. All this talk about marriage was suddenly making me dizzy and dehydrated.
• “I’m not ready for a marriage, T. I mean, look at me, I can barely walk in high heels!” I continued the rant as Tristan laughed. “I just got out a super heavy relationship with Ian and all I wanted was something easy and light and fun, not a marriage!”
• “To be fair, you and Ian broke up, what almost two years ago?” Tristan raised an eyebrow. “And you Elliott have been dating for almost a year. You can’t blame the guy if he’s thinking about being serious with you,”
• “Serious, sure, but a marriage? Really?” I scoffed. “I’m only gonna be twenty-two in a couple of months!”
• Tristan wasn't buying into what I was saying. Narrowing his eyes at me, he asked, “Is age really the thing that’s standing between you and saying yes to him?”
• “I’ve been through this before, T. I know not to make the same mistake again twice,” I sighed.
• “What do you mean?” he questioned.
• “I feel like Elliott’s proposal is more of a Hail Mary to save the relationship than an actual proposal,”
• “Where’d you get that idea from?”
• “Let’s just say… I was faced with a similar situation before,”
• Tristan blinked a few times before saying, “With Ian?”
• I smiled bitterly and nodded. “I was graduating high school. We were broken up, or actually, he broke up with me because he thought he was doing me a favor. But being apart from each other, he realized he’s made a mistake. So he proposed,”
• “And… what happened?”
• “I said yes. I moved to U Penn and started college, and he moved to New York City to start the gallery. And I guess you know the rest of that story,”
• “I see…”
• “Marriage is not some Band-Aid you put on the relationship, thinking it’s gonna save it. In fact, marriage is only gonna highlight the problem even more,”
• “Wow, spoken like a true once engaged person,” Tristan chuckled and fake clapped.
• “I’m glad one of us is finding this situation amusing,” I rolled my eyes at him.
• “So, what are you gonna tell Elliott then?”
• “Wel, I know what I feel and what I want to tell him, but I just don’t have the right words for now. But, I’ll get there. I just need to take a walk and arrange my thoughts,”
• Tristan nodded. He was quiet for a beat, but suddenly he said, “Hey E, can I ask you something?”
• “Hmm?”
• “Do you love even Elliott?”
• “Of course!” I said quickly and somewhat defensively. “You think I’m in a yearlong relationship with a man I don’t even love?”
• “No, ‘Cause I’ve seen you two together and I’ve seen you and Ian together, and the way you look at him compared to the way you look at Ian, they’re not even remotely close,” Tristan argued.
• “I… I… can love a lot of things, okay?” I stammered a little. “Like, I love my family and I love you and Sophie too, and I love Elliott… but…”
• “Not the way you love Ian?” Tristan was quick to guess.
• “Exactly…” I admitted in defeat.
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• - - - - - To be continued - - - - -