Chapter 5 Look At Me

• "Is this some sort of joke? Because it's not funny."
• "No. No joke. Your clothes."
• "My brother would not allow this!"
• "Your brother initiated the Rite. You're mine. I will decide what is best for you. You will simply obey."
• She snorts.
• "Do you need help?"
• "I want to talk to him. Get him on the phone. Now!"
• She takes a step toward the door. I grab her arm before she can take another. She tries to shrug me off, but I turn her to face me fully and shift my hands to her shoulders. Her hands close over my forearms, and she stares up at me. Her long black hair hangs loosely around her face and over her shoulders, revealing a softness I've only ever caught glimpses of. She hides well.
• "Why are you here, Erica?"
• Her jaw clenches. She knows exactly why she's here. What she's done. Her eyes dart over my shoulder, tears on the verge of falling, but she refuses to allow that. Instead, she narrows her gaze, glaring up at me. That softness from moments ago is gone.
• "Why are you here?" I repeat.
• After a long moment of weighted silence, she finally breaks the lock of our eyes and lowers her gaze. A fat tear drops onto the back of my hand. I watch it, and for a moment, I forget myself. Forget the point of this. The reason for it.
• For a moment, I want to pull her to me and tell her it will be all right.
• But Miriam clears her throat and catapults me back into the why of this.
• "Answer me," I say and pause.
• Erica turns her angry eyes to mine. "Fuck. You."
• My hands flex, fingers tightening on her arms. This woman will test me. I take a deep breath in and smile. Because this is exactly why she's here.
• "You'll remain in this room until you can answer that question. Now," I start, releasing her and stepping away. "Do you need Miriam to help you undress?"
• "No," she spits and clumsily tugs at the sweatshirt, getting it tangled in her hair as she pulls it off and throws it at me. It hits my chest, then drops to the floor.
• I don't take my eyes from hers as she continues with the pants, bouncing on one foot, daggers cutting me through as she holds my gaze and strips them off balls them up, and throws the ill-fitting pants at me too.
• "Satisfied?" she asks, straightening to stand at her full height. Not covering herself.
• Unable to stop my gaze from sweeping over her, I swallow, taking in all that skin, the scraps of lace barely covering full breasts, the slit of her sex. I push my hands into my pockets, clenching them into fists, nails digging into my palms. My jaw tightens as I remind myself who she is. Remind me that this little monster needs me to remain in control. To not be undone by the sight of her nearly naked.
• I drag my gaze slowly back up to hers and see that her hands, too, are clenched and her cheeks flushed with color.
• "Continue," I say, my voice thick.
• Her mouth opens, her short breaths audible as she gazes from me to Miriam and back. "I think it's enough. I think my brother"
• "Miriam," I say, neither moving nor taking my eyes from Erica.
• Miriam moves into action, striding toward Erica in three quick steps. Erica gasps, clearly not expecting this, and when the older woman raises her arms to strip the rest of her clothes, Erica grips her wrists hard. She's stronger than I realized. But Miriam is as strong and as determined. It's why I chose her.
• "Don't you fucking dare touch me! Get the hell away from me!"
• There's a brief struggle. Erica shoves Miriam and runs, but Miriam is quick to steady herself and move toward her target.
• Erica glances frantically around, her hand closing over the base of a heavy lamp. She falters then. I wonder if she's remembering the event that led her here, that has her in this predicament. The murder of the courtesan. The very violent scene she left behind.
• She squeezes her eyes shut, and I put a hand up to halt Miriam as I watch her, the already puffy skin around her eyes growing wet. She's been crying. Hell. She looks like she's been crying forever.
• With a violent shake of her head, she opens her eyes, glaring at me. "Call her off!"
• "Continue, and I will," I tell her calmly, hardening myself against the wounded creature that calls to the protector inside me.
• "I hate you," she says, a shudder in her voice as she releases the lamp and reaches behind her to unhook her bra and strip it off. She drops it to the floor, then pushes her panties down, kicking both away. "I fucking hate you."
• She bares pretty, full breasts, nipples tight and her sexy shaved to reveal the pretty slit. The latter makes me stop. Has any other man seen her like this? There was Jackson Van der Smit. Did he?
• I shake my head to stop myself. I don't know why I'm going down that road. She would have followed the rules. Breaking them would shame her brother and incur his wrath. Besides, that's not why she's here. But her nakedness, strikes me. She's certainly not the first woman I've seen. Far from it. But here I am, unable to drag my gaze away.
• "Sir?" Miriam interrupts.
• "Get out," I tell her.
• Self-control. Discipline. Two traits I've worked hard to perfect in myself. I draw a deep breath in. Exhale. Getting hard at the mere sight of her is anything but controlled. She'll be stripped bare more often than she'll like, and I can't get a fucking hard-on like some teenage boy every time I see her.
• "Yes, sir." Miriam leaves. I wait until I hear the door close.
• I've taken women into my home before and disciplined them. Something I've done quietly for certain members of The Society. Not a single one of them has affected me like Erica De La Rosa. And I haven't even started with her.
• "Get into bed," I snap, needing her to cover herself. I walk to the adjoining bathroom, taking a moment there. Gripping the edge of the counter, I push a hand through my hair. What the fuck is wrong with me?
• Rummaging through the cabinet beneath the sink, I find the first-aid kit. When I return, I find her sitting in the middle of the large bed, clutching the thick duvet to herself. Again, I think about how small she looks. How different to the girl I've watched grow into a woman. A formidable woman at that. Now, at this moment, she is something else entirely.
• And the animal inside me stirs.
• I clear my throat, and she looks up, although she doesn't quite meet my gaze. Her face is unreadable. She's good at that. Always has been. Probably had to be. I know a little of her upbringing. Although surely, her father would not have been as physical with her as he was with his sons.
• I cross the room and sit on the edge of the bed.
• She tugs the blankets closer, inching farther from me.
• "Look at me."
• Her jaw clenches.
• I close my fingers over her chin and make her look. Her eyes are narrowed to slits when they meet mine. She won't be easy to bend. But I don't want her to be. I tilt her face up and brush the hair from her cheek. The gash is already closed up, the blood is dried, and a bruise is taking shape. I'm surprised this is all she walked away with considering. Erica De La Rosa murdered a woman. She should have to stand before The Tribunal to answer for it. Any other member of The Society would. But Santiago will take care of that. And I will help him protect her.
• I have a feeling, though, that her guilt and the thought of losing her brother's love are more punishment than anything The Tribunal could dish out.
• I clean the dried blood off her cheek and smear antibiotic ointment onto the cut, careful to be gentle. I feel her eyes on my face, and I take my time doing it. Once I'm finished, I set the ointment aside and pour a glass of water out of the crystal pitcher on the nightstand. I take the pill Miriam left on the small dish and hold both out to Erica.
• She looks at the pill.
• "To help you get a good night's rest."
• "I'm fine," she says, turning her head away.
• "It will help, Erica."
• She looks again at the pill in my palm. She wants it. She wants the oblivion it will bring. And this once, I'll allow it. She reaches a tentative hand to pluck the pill from me and places it on her tongue, then takes the glass, sipping from it before handing it back.