Chapter 12

• The movie screen plays a particularly painful memory, one that I hate and desperately wish to remove from the memory bank. It has the same effect every time, bringing me to my knees. Reactivating my guilt that usually ends up with me on my knees in the bottom of the shower, throwing up and in tears.
• Two weeks after Josh and my beautiful lovemaking holiday I was missing him like crazy, crying by night, depressed by day. I lost five kilograms in two weeks and had bags under my eyes. I didn’t leave my room except to go to school. This pain was self–inflicted. Both Josh and I knew he was going to America for four years shortly after our holiday. We knew we had no future together. That didn’t make it any easier, and we had had no contact. My tender teenage heart was utterly devastated.
• I came home from school one afternoon to find the house in uproar. It was one of the few times I heard my father swear. As I opened the door my father yelled at my mother.