Chapter 6

• Monotony, I have returned to it after Malu got married because even though I said I had to let him go, I can't. Every day I think about him, about how different our ending could have been, and the mirror keeps giving me back that image that I don't recognize, the one that looks tired, the one that wants to scream asking for some help, if only I could stop thinking about him, if he weren't on my mind twenty-four hours of the day, it would be easier.
• My steps are heavy as I walk from the bus stop to the building I live in, and my twenty-seven years start to weigh me down like fifty.
• I pay little attention to my surroundings, I feel as if I had gone back through the breakup of my relationship with Malu, because going to his wedding was a mistake, and every night I get angry with myself for not having been a little braver, but also for being selfish.
• Malu loves his husband, I couldn't just ruin his happiness, but I keep holding to him as if I could make us start over when I know that's not possible.
• Screams bring me out of my lethargy, and when I look up, I see two figures of little-known young guys running towards each other as they cross the street, they playfully pushing each other, and at the end, the black-haired guy that I haven't seen in almost a month, jumps on the back of the one who is a little taller, who moves to want to take it off, without achieving his goal.
• “Jared, now you must carry me home on your back!”
• “You weigh like a cow, Theo, get down.”
• I hear him complain and they continue arguing while laughing. Jared complains a lot about Theo weighing too much, and Theo tells him that he must have respect for his older brother, refusing to get off, and I see them walk into the building, they are still laughing with each other, they look like a couple of little kids.
• I follow them, not because I want to, but because there is no other way to go, and it's not that I dislike them, although I must admit that I don't know how I should react now that I see Theo from close, because I haven't since the wedding of Malu.
• The elevator doors are about to close when I stop it with my hand and step inside, watching as the brothers' laughter goes lower and Theo climbs off Jared's back, and Jared wraps his arm around his brother's shoulders, pulling him into his chest as if he was protecting him from some danger. An action I want to ignore, I just pressed my apartment number button.
• That Theo doesn't talk to me in front of Jared doesn't really surprise me, since we normally haven't had his family around, because when I went to his apartment, he didn't speak to me, and I left before I interacted with them, and I do the same now, I get out of the elevator without speaking to them.
• “He's an idiot” I hear Jared say behind me.
• I don't pay attention to those words and go to my apartment, being greeted by the loneliness that I should be perfectly used to by now, but it's not, because right now I'm able to go back to work as long as I'm entertained with something, and that's why I turn on the TV, just to make some noise and I don't feel so lonely.
• I know it hasn't been that long since I got here, but there's a knock on the door that makes me rush to it because I think something's wrong. However, when I open it, the last thing I expect is a fist that goes straight to my cheekbone, throwing me off balance, and even though my body has been placed on alert, I'm not fast enough to avoid being thrown to the ground and having a body on top of mine, and a fist hitting my cheekbone again.
• “Idiot” my aggressor growls “don't ever go near Theo again.”
• The third fist doesn't come, I'm quick enough to stop it and strike, my body moves, leaving him undermine, and that's when I realize that the one who hit me was none other than Jared, Theo's brother, who seems furious about something as he shifts under me. I take the necessary precautions so that when I walk away he doesn't hit me again.
• “Could you explain to me why that was for?”
• He glares at me and the back of his hand lands on the spot I hit, making a face that tries to hide it behind a frown, and his fists clench as I brace myself for what I think will be another fight. But he doesn't move from his spot, he just seems to want to kill me.
• “Listen to me” he growls “don't come near him again, because if I ever see Theo cry because of you again, I'm going to throw you mercilessly out that window.”
• He points to one of the apartment's windows that looks out onto the building across the street, and maybe I should start to worry because he seems determined to do it. Right now he just goes out slamming the door, leaving me thinking about things, did Theo cry because of me? But I didn't do anything to him.
• The memories of Malu's wedding arrive, but I still can't figure out what my mistake was, because in spite of everything, Michael didn't say anything to him, and I'm sure nobody approached him while I was dancing with Malu, and the only thing I can think of It's how many hours he cried before for no reason, but I wasn't to blame, or at least that's what he gave me to understand.
• Minutes after Jared left, I haven't moved from the door, and when someone knock again, I think about it a bit before opening it, this time being more cautious, because I don't want to have another surprise like the one minutes before, but I don't meet the guy with slightly tanned skin, but with eyes that look at me with concern.
• “I'm going to kill you, Jared - he murmurs without taking his eyes off me.”
• “Theo…”
• “Aldair” his voice is soft “can I come in?”
• I open the door for him and then I close it, watching how he bites his lower lip as if was doubting what he's going to do next; his eyes go around the living room, and then he looks at me as if apologizing.
• “I'm sorry” he says “Jared is a fool, and sometimes he acts without thinking.”
• He takes hesitant steps toward me, his hand trembling a little as he brings it closer to the spot his brother hit earlier, and I have to say that guy has strength, because the area he hit me hurts, even though Theo is being gentle.
• “It hurts too much?”
• “A bit.”
• “Sit down, please” I do it “where do you have the first-aid kit?”
• “Is in the bathroom, I can go get…”
• “It’s okay, I can get it myself.”
• He goes to the bathroom and a few minutes later he returns with the first-aid kit, although I think it's unnecessary, he heals the wounds with alcohol, making me complain, and I didn't think that even the gauze with which he cleans me could have blood, and although it's a little bit, there is.
• “Really, Aldair, I'm sorry. I didn't think Jared would be a brute.”
• His eyes tell me that it is so, I even see tears accumulating in them, the ones that he tries to hold back, and I don't know what to do, the only thing that is clear to me is that I don't want to see him cry; I already did it once and, it's not the most beautiful image there can be, I prefer to see him smile.
• “It wasn't you who hit me.”
• “But it was my silly brother, really, I don't know what he has in his head; I think dust instead of the brain, he is very impulsive.”
• “Everything is fine.”
• I caress his cheek trying to reassure him, but all I get is more words of apology and the tears I wanted to avoid, because he can't help himself, and I don't think too much about it when I pull him into a hug, and pat his back, trying to calm him down.
• “Don’t cry.”
• He moves a few inches away from me, and his lips tighten trying to hold back his sobs, without achieving much, which makes me want to hug him again.
• “Aldair, can you be my boyfriend?”
• Maybe it's because I don’t want to see him cry anymore when I give an affirmation to what he asks me, seeing a slightly strange grimace on his face because he smiles. The tears continue to fall, and then he hugs me, however, it feels good to know that somehow I was able to make him happy, even though I know that my response has been just not to see him cry.