Chapter 1 Reason

• My name is Alayah and I am a sixteen year old Lycan. I am sitting on the back porch, a place I hate and love at the same time. Today I hate sitting out here, I watch my Mother as she is lying on the ground near a flowerbed and all I can think of is “when will she leave again” and I know she will leave again. It is the one thing I can count on when it comes to my Mother, when she is around she spends most of her time lying on the ground to stare at the sky.
• My Mother has never been a constant in my life, if I have to believe the stories Grandma told me she only took care of me when I was still a baby. According to Grandma she started distancing herself from me the moment I was able to react to things happening or being said around me, no one in my small family has been able to explain to me why.
• Grandma walks out the backdoor to get me and my Mother for dinner, I head inside the cottage to sit down at the dinner table in our kitchen and I know it will take a few minutes before Grandma is able to get my Mother to come inside for dinner. Dinner is always spend in complete silence when my Mother is home and I am glad I have Topaz, my Lycan, with me or dinner would be a never ending story with my Mother present.
• After dinner I go to my room to continue with my studies, I follow online classes for accounting. I chose to study accounting after Grandma told me that almost every Packs leadership doesn’t like to do it, I want to be of help to our Pack and if I can help our Alpha in making his job easier I will. For some reason Grandma wasn’t surprised to find out I wanted to study accounting or why I wanted to follow those classes.
• The moment I open my eyes in the morning I know, my Mother has left somewhere during the night and all we can do is wait until she comes back. A part of me hates it when she leaves, it is the part of me that still hopes to have a relationship with her. The part of me that is relieved she left again is also the part that has given up hope on having a relationship with her and every time my Mother leaves that part becomes bigger.
• I am staring out the window as I listen to the Pack-members around me chatting, some of them talk about their day that is about to start or about the night that just passed. Unmated females are talking about what their Mate should look like or what his rank should be and each of them gets scolded by mated females sitting close to them. I sip my coffee as I enjoy the noises around me and the view in front of me.
• The dining facility in our Pack-house is on the third floor and it gives me the change to look over the cottages in our territory, giving me an unobstructed view of the forest that surrounds our territory. I was born and raised in this territory and I will probably grow old here, just like my Grandmother. My entire family was born and raised here and except for my Mother none of them ever felt the desire to leave the territory or to move away for whatever reason.
• My Mother was around until I was about eight years old, but my Grandmother was the one that raised me. I think it was the death of my Father that changed my Mother, I don’t think she ever got over losing him and I don’t know if she will ever be able to get over it. Grandma told me that they had known each other their entire lives and my Father’s Lycan had recognized my Mother’s Lycan as his Mate when she turned eighteen.
• Dad waited patiently until Mom turned eighteen and her Lycan would recognize Dad’s Lycan as her Mate, six months after they had marked one another Dad died in a Rogue attack. Grandma says Mom was devastated after losing Dad and even finding out she was with Pup couldn’t pull her from her depression, Grandma had to watch her twenty four seven. Everyone in the family hoped she would come around once I was born and for a while it seemed as if she was going to pull out of it, but apparently it had just been an act.
• Mom would come and go as she pleased after I turned ten and after a few years of hoping I gave up on ever having a normal relationship with my Mother. She was never interested in anything I wanted to tell her and she didn’t care about how I was doing in school, nor was she interested in hearing whether I had friends or not. If Mom was home we could find her in our backyard, looking at a flower bed Dad planted for her after they had marked and mated.
• She would never say a word, she would just sit there and stare at the flowers. The only reason that flower bed survived is because I take care of it, the only tangible thing I have of my Father and I will always cherish it for as long as I live. I love taking care of the flowers while I talk to Dad about the day or week I had and even though I know he will never answer me I keep asking him questions, questions about him or about Mom.
• A few days before I turned seventeen Mom had walked into Grandma’s cottage after being gone for almost three months and I think it was the first time in my life she actually looked at me. She said to me that she was sorry and that I reminded her to much of him, before she walked upstairs to her bedroom. It was the last time I saw her, but in the weeks following that day I finally found out why Mom had so much difficulty being around me.
• Grandma always told me I had Dad’s jet black hair and emerald, green eyes, but after Mom disappeared again I started asking my other family members what my Dad was like and the more stories I heard the more I realized it wasn’t just the fact that I looked like him. It sounded as if I was an exact copy of my Dad, with of course the difference that I am a female.
• I was talking to Grandma’s Brother, Uncle Rex, when I found out I had more family than I thought, he let it slip that Dad was the older Brother of our Beta and till this day I wonder if it was accidental or not. I had never felt the need to go to the Pack-house as I grew up and Grandma never encouraged me to go to the Pack-house, not even for huge celebrations.
• For a few weeks I thought about asking Grandma why she never told me about the rest of my family, but in the end I just decided to go visit the Pack-house. I wasn’t sure if Dad’s family knew about me, maybe they asked Grandma to keep me away from them, maybe Mom made her promise to never take me to the Pack-house. I knew I needed answers and I knew I could get them by just going to the Packhouse to see how everyone would react to my appearance.
• *Flashback*
• I wake up feeling nervous as hell, after going back and forth I decided with Topaz, my Lycan, that today I would visit the Pack-house. I know every Pack-member is allowed to spend whatever time they want there and with Grandma being away for a few days I will have my breakfast at the Pack-house today. Topaz and I don’t know what to expect, but we have prepared ourselves for the worst and that of course would be that my family didn’t want me in their lives either.
• After getting dressed I picked up my tablet and left the house to walk to the Pack-house for breakfast. Along the way I saw other Pack-members rushing by, some complaining about the fact that they were late and others talking about their night patrol. I was in no hurry as I had always been home schooled by Grandma and for the past year I have been following online college classes, being a little smarter than the average Lycan I graduated early.
• I think it is also a benefit that Grandma had been a teacher for most of her life and getting home schooled by her was a blessing for me. I didn’t have to worry that anyone would ask questions about my parents and I never had to rush to school if I overslept for some reason. No one really pays attention to me as I walk to the front door of the Pack-house and I follow a few Warriors up the stairs to the dining room.
• They walk towards the buffet to get their breakfast and I follow close behind them. I grab a plate to fill it with everything I like and as I contemplate on whether or not to get myself some coffee the room falls silent. I doubt it has anything to do with me, so I just continue with what I am doing and after getting my coffee I turn around to see if the table I spotted when I walked in is still empty.
• Slowly the conversations start up again as I make my way over to the empty table by the window, but unlike everyone expected I did hear the soft conversations about me. Everyone wonders who I am and when I moved into the Pack, because no one remembers me getting introduced to the Pack. I have just taken my seat when a shadow falls over the table and I don’t have to look up to know that our Alpha is standing behind me, “Goodmorning, Alpha.” I say as I turn towards him.
• “Goodmorning, I don’t believe we have ever met. Who are you?” Alpha Randell asks and I see a male stepping to his side. “My name is Alayah and I live with my Grandmother in a cottage near the eastern border, Alpha.” I answer him and even though he didn’t introduce himself I know that the male next to Alpha Randell is my Uncle, our Pack’s Beta.
• Again the entire room has gone quiet and as I look at Alpha Randell I can see confusion on my Uncle’s face, but I have no intention of putting him out of his misery. If he wants to know if I am his Niece he can ask me himself, I will not provide him with information he didn’t ask for and I won’t tell the Alpha unless he asks.
• “Alpha, if you don’t mind I would like to eat my breakfast before it turns cold. Unless there is anything else you would like to know.” I say as I look both of them in the eye, Alpha Randell seems surprised by my words but I have never been one to weigh her words before she speaks. “Once you are done I want to see you in my office, Alayah.” Alpha Randell says before he turns to walk back to his table, “Of course, Alpha Randell.” I reply before turning back to my plate.
• I didn’t rush with finishing my breakfast and I could feel the eyes of my Uncle burning holes in my back, but I refused to let anyone rush me. Once I am done I grab my plate and mug to drop it off on the counter near the buffet, after that I walk back to my table to grab my tablet and make my way down to the office of Alpha Randell. My Uncle doesn’t say a word as he walks next to me and Topaz is being her annoying self as she keeps glancing at him, sticking out her tongue every once in a while.
• Without knocking my Uncle opens the door to Alpha Randell’s office and I guess as his Beta he gets away with doing this, but I have no intention of stepping inside the office without permission from Alpha Randell. “What are you waiting for? A written invitation.” My Uncle mumbles and I look at him as I say, “For Alpha Randell to give me permission to enter his office. I am not his Beta or his Gamma and I am also not his Mate, so I will wait until he tells me I am allowed to enter his office, Beta.”
• Everyone in the office stares at me and I have to tell Topaz to calm down, I don’t need anyone to know that I have already got my Lycan. I don’t want to be the center of attention and if I had know upfront this was going to happen I wouldn’t have come to the Pack-house. “Alayah, I told you to come to my office and there for you are allowed to enter.” Alpha Randell finally says and I step into his office.
• “You did, Alpha Randell. However, protocol states that no one is to enter an Alpha’s office unless he invites them in and all you did was tell me you wanted to see me in your office. That didn’t sound like an invitation to me, but more like an order.” I say as I sit down in the chair across from him. I keep my eyes on the painting behind Alpha Randell, but I can see the look our Luna is giving him and my Uncle and I wonder who will address the elephant in the room.
• It stays quiet for a few moments before I hear a question I wasn’t expecting, “Are you my Granddaughter?” I turn around to look at the other people in the room, but I can’t tell who asked the question and I turn back towards Alpha Randell. “My Father died during a Rogue attack before I was born and I have lived with my Mother and Grandmother in the same cottage all my life, I can’t tell if I am his Granddaughter because I don’t know who asked the question.
• I was raised and home schooled by my Grandmother, my Mother wasn’t around much after I turned ten and until recently I only knew my Mother’s side of the family existed. Uncle Rex told me by mistake something about my Father I never knew and I wondered why his family never showed an interest in me. I doubt my Mother and Grandmother hid my birth from anyone and that means that at least you as the Alpha should have known about my existence, Alpha Randell.” I state.
• I don’t wait for a reply from Alpha Randell, I just get up and walk out of his office and the Pack-house. If my family wants to get involved in my life they can come to me and if not I won’t miss anything, I have made it this far in life without them around. I can live the rest of my life without them as well, even though I would like to hear more about my Father and his childhood.
• *End Flashback*
• “Alayah, have you been waiting long?” I hear my Grandfather ask and I smile at him as I shake my head, for the past five years I have been coming to the Pack-house on a regular basis. Alpha Randell had to explain to his leadership and his Father’s leadership why he never told them about me, rumor has it that his Mate got really pissed off with him and made him sleep in a guestroom for two nights.
• He explained to me that he didn’t tell them because they were still grieving the loss of my Father and that his family never really cared for my Mother. I had to ask Grandfather about the reason as Alpha Randell never really understood it himself.